So statistically speaking you just moved to Seattle to work at Amazon. Good on you for taking a bias for action, and welcome to our illustrious city!

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I'm sure you're a good guy, after all you work for Amazon! But even good guys like you gotta let off some steam and be a bad boy every now and then! If the occasion arises, here's the coolest things you can do in Seattle to go wild like it's recruitment week at the Computer Science school Amazon bought you from.


Free Bicycles!

Amazon values Ownership, Jeff. That's why it's one of their core principals! What says ownership more than taking one of the hundreds of sharebikes that have gravitated around your office, and riding it straight into Lake Union? Power play!

Shit on Uncle B's Balls

You're not the only Jeff who likes being a bad boy at Amazon, Jeff! Level 12 God King Jeff B. has taken millions in tax breaks from our fair city, and turned what used to be the lovely slum of South Lake Union into a C- episode of Black Mirror. Let's even the score and shit on his beautiful, giant balls. Who knows, maybe he'll like it!

Passively Correct Graffiti Grammar

You're a smart guy, Jeff. You work for Amazon! Let's deliver results by teaching our fellow rapscallions a thing or too about expressing ourselves on other peoples property. I before E, except after C++!

Drive Down Pike Place Market

Ok Jeff, I know we're having fun here #beingpeculiar, but that's taking it too far.

Pepper Spray A Random Bystander

Ok hear me out, Jeff, I know what I'm talking about here. As someone who reads a lot of police reports, there's an almost 100% chance guarantee you will get away with this. After all, you're a good guy who works at Amazon, and the quarter block walk from your Belltown apartment to Doppler can be scary!

Call Cops On A Puzzle Room, Insist You're Being Held Against Your Will

Aren't puzzle rooms epic, Jeff? If only they didn't force you to stay in the room for the whole hour! Let's give them a lesson in preempting customer needs, by calling the police on your temporary wardens. No review is a bad review!

Purchase Deconstructed Coffee

Maybe we should calm down a little, Jeff. We've probably had our fun, right?

Support The Stranger

Use An Umbrella

Jeff, you're a fucking monster.