There are plenty of good things about being human. Our disproportionately large brains and opposable thumbs have enabled us to engineer such wonders as massage chairs, bacon-flavored dental floss, and soft little oranges that basically peel themselves. We are, truly, a wondrous species. But for all our inborn features and outward tech, we are really no better than fish when it comes to the basic task of sleeping through winter. Bears can do it, skunks can do it, even some snakes can do it—and yet here we are, in the middle of winter, awake.
It’s a shame that instead of creating some magic pill that allows us to hibernate, our best minds are busy curing cancer and putting sedans on Mars. But until Elon and the other geniuses put down the toys and get to work on what really matters, we have to find alternative means of surviving this season. Personally, I recommend being born fabulously wealthy, which allows one to skip around the globe chasing suntans and mai tais. If it’s too late for that, you can always get high and do some crafting. Here are a few projects to get you started.
