STEVIE SHAO
The surveys are in, the answers have been tabulated—everything from whether you’re okay with having pets in the room while you’re getting it on to whether you’d jump into bed with Jay Inslee—and it’s time to unveil this year’s crop of sexual secrets.
First things first: Beto O’Rourke is the most bangable presidential candidate. His favorability among straight women, bi women, and gay men carried the day—with a strong finish in the top three of each of those categories of sexual orientation. This is probably the only election Beto is ever going to win, so let’s congratulate the tall drink of water from the Lone Star State. Kamala Harris and Cory Booker came in second and third place overall, and no one wants to fuck Jay Inslee (except, presumably, his wife, Trudi).
Pete Buttigieg is popular with gay guys. No surprise there. But one thing that did surprise us is that he’s also popular with old people—very, very popular. The older you are, the more you want to get into Mayor Pete’s pants. Only 23 percent of respondents 18 to 25 want to bust a nut with Buttigieg, but nearly 60 percent of people ages 76+ do. What do geriatrics see in this guy? Must be the soft manner, the smooth cheeks, and the Harvard pedigree.
