Hello, new college students, and welcome to Seattle. Congratulations on choosing the only city in the United States that won't be on fire, underwater, or irrelevant by the time you're out of school.

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This is The Stranger's annual guide to the things your school administrators are not going to want to talk to you about, including how to eat pussy, who to avoid on campus, where the best cheap food is, and how to do psychedelics without dying.

Typically we also include a piece like "How to Binge Drink and Not Die" or "How to Drink in Your Dorm and Not Get Caught" or "How to Drink Tequila Through Your Mouth, Nose, and Eyes," but this year we decided to shake things up. Ryan Matthews has written a very helpful guide on how to not drink.

As for the people to avoid, Jasmyne Keimig's listen be found here.

If you ever wander off campus and think to yourself, "How the hell do people get around this city?"—well, you are not alone. That is the question all of us are asking at all times. Eli Sanders has some tips here.

If you're familiar with riding buses but just need some new destinations, check out a few of our favorite spots for cheap, delicious food here.

If you moved here for the legal weed, we've got disappointing news: You need to be 21 or older. (Start making friends with people who are older than you.) Some more disappointing news: The University of Washington, even though it's known as a research institution, refuses to study weed. They're scared of it. Why? Find out here.

Speaking of people who are older than you: You know how people your age are kind of... stupid? Yeah. For most college students, dating is a big part of the experience, and the natural inclination will be to date people your own age. But there's a case to be made for dating someone older than you, and Dave Segal makes it here.

Experimentation is the thing to do in college. Also "expressing yourself." Some people find that self-expression takes the form of dreadlocks. Charles Mudede discovered this about himself, and so, unfortunately, did Katie Herzog.

Some advice about dealing with teachers and making the most of your campus gym can be found here.

A quick picture of Seattle politics can be found here.

The pussy-eating pointers are here.

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As for psychedelics, the resident expert at The Stranger is Lester Black. (For a taste of his work, google "vape pens full of DMT.") As he explains here, the biggest risk to your health from doing psychedelics is not the drugs. It's you.

Good luck out there. Stay safe. And hydrate.