"I won't go out with guys in their 20s."
Over the decades, I've lost count of the number of women I've heard say those words. So this sentiment should be taken seriously. Which sucks for guys in their 20s, of course.
The thing is, though, people of all genders in their late teens and early 20s are mostly works in progress. Your college years typically are marked by emotional volatility, fluctuating ambitions, and financial hardship. (If you're a trustafarian, you can still benefit from an elder, because as the Beatles and Ralph Tresvant sang, money can't buy you love.)
Surely, youngbloods could benefit from the tutelage of older folks who've accrued real-life wisdom. And it shouldn't be a controversial assertion that there are more advantages than drawbacks from doing so. Yet a stigma persists when a large age gap occurs in relationships. I hope to outline why this is unfortunate—without coming across as a creep—and how students can augment their university learning with some important lessons of the mind and heart.
When I was 20 and attending Detroit's Wayne State University, I had the good fortune to date an older woman. Yes, she was a Mensa member, but your partner doesn't need to possess an astronomical IQ for you to acquire crucial knowledge.
During our four-year relationship, I learned a lot about feminism and literature from her, while also picking up some inside information on how to please somebody in bed. (We didn't have free internet porn in the 1980s, you see.) It was an enlightening experience, and one that I doubt I, at that tender stage, could have had with someone younger.
Now, if you choose your partners wisely, you can increase your chances of bolstering life skills and living your best life. And that means, in more cases than not, going for older paramours.
As mentioned, people with more experience generally have a broader and savvier array of sexual moves. The erotic tips and tricks you attain from them should carry over for decades henceforth... unless you're a willful doofus.
But let's take this out of the boudoir and into harsh reality. As Dan Savage has noted ad infinitum in these pages, good sex is key to a successful relationship, but it's not the only factor. Once you're done boning and/or whatevering, you have to talk to that hottie. And that's where the advantages of advanced age come in. If you choose with acumen, you'll find that your senior lover has had many more interesting experiences and harbors more diverse interests than your college mates.
This asset can not only help you while you're chatting during long walks or drives, it can result in sound career advice and lead to connections that can land you jobs once you graduate. It should be noted that older partners often are more financially solvent than undergrads, and what struggling student would complain about that? Admit it: You occasionally like hitting a fancy restaurant, but unless your parents are footing the bill, you ain't dropping three figures on a meal.
Finally, that older person whom you fancy can school you in social and political matters. You may be woke af, but that only goes so far. It may behoove you to listen to and learn from people who blossomed in the crucible of first-wave feminism, who cheered Jesse Jackson's presidential run, and who endured the Ronald Reagan regime—and maybe even Richard Nixon's. Sorry if that last bit comes off as creepy... but you get the gist.
Odds are, these stints with older lovers will be transitional—and maybe even transactional—but they could pay dividends for the rest of your life.