Winner
It’s 2009. Connect with a guy on Plenty of Fish. He picks me up at my house. We head to an ice cream shop. He has just come back from army basic training and the topic of conversation will only be about what physical stuff he has learned how to do there. I try to change the topic to literally anything other than how fast he can climb something and hand-to-hand fighting tactics, but to no avail. We exit the ice cream shop. He puts me in a headlock. The patrons inside silently watch me flail about, trying to escape. He releases me from the headlock, explains how I should have escaped his hold. We head to the movies. We sit down in an empty theater. He cranes his neck, thinks he hears something. Leaves to go check it out. Ten minutes go by. I hear something on the floor to my left. He’s army crawling toward me on his stomach about to grab my ankles and scare me. We finish the movie and leave. Never to see each other again. —Jessi Miles