Brian Britigan

Dolphins

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Female bottlenose dolphins use their snouts as dildos on other females. These activities don’t always coincide with a low availability of males, but no surprises there. Apparently when the ladies are bored and desperate to get off, terms such as “motherhood fantasies” or “lifelong commitment” mean absolutely nothing to them.

Brian Britigan

Bats

As she’s in the midst of copulation, the female greater short-nosed fruit bat will lower her head and give her partner a blowjob. It’s simply one of the dirtiest things in the entire world. But if she wants this one to stick around, she doesn’t have a ton of other options—especially considering her lousy looks and her so-so body.

Brian Britigan

Porcupines

During mating season, a female porcupine will force a male to bone her again and again, until he’s exhausted. She’ll accept her companion only after he’s hoisted himself to an overhead position and doused her in a hose of his urine. That’s to show her she’s a dirty bitch. He knows it, and she knows it too.

Brian Britigan

Snakes

The notoriously loose female red-sided garter snake earned her reputation. In a typical intercourse session, a single female will take on as many as a hundred males. They all pile up on her, forming a giant, writhing ball of indecency. What’s more, each male has two cocks. He must fuck her with both at the same time, because apparently just the one isn’t enough for her.

Brian Britigan

Spiders

If the female harpactea sadistica spider comes off as chaste, it’s a lie. Courtship involves a dance that leads to a hug that leads to sensual tapping. As the male closes in, he suddenly bites her. Then he maneuvers her into position and uses his needle-sharp spider penis to violently pierce into her abdomen over and over, forming rows of holes. Instead of struggling away, the female is submissive throughout, proving she wants it bad.

Brian Britigan

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Sea Horses

Fun fact: Australian big-belly sea horses are the biggest whores of the animal kingdom! (Well, half of them are anyway, since slutty males are never whores, they’re always studs.) Both sexes are bisexual and disturbingly indiscriminate. On a typical day, the adorably chubby creature floats naked into darkness, with nothing on the agenda apart from calmly banging the shit out of the next several dozen sea horse strangers that happen to come by. recommended

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