Thursday, April 11
8:00 MTV SCARED STRAIGHT
Smart-mouthed teens are given a tour of prison, and get a taste of the bitch life.
10:00 ANI AMAZING ANIMAL VIDEOS
Featuring a chimp who knows karate. See? Planet of the Apes is just around the corner!!
Friday, April 12
8:00 MTV THE OSBOURNES
Ozzy becomes the “pot who called the kettle black” when he lectures Jack and Kelly about drugs.
Saturday, April 13
9:00 AMC THE THING WITH TWO HEADS–Movie
(1972) Insert penis joke here.
Sunday, April 14
9:00 ABC ALIAS
Sydney dips her pen in company ink when she rides the wild baloney pony with her SD-6 recruiter.
Monday, April 15
10:00 ABC ONCE AND AGAIN
Series Finale! Rick and Lilly are forced to tie up loose storylines in an unbelievable and rushed manner.
Tuesday, April 16
10:00 FX THE SHIELD
Vic goes unnecessarily psycho (hoo-rah!) after discovering a child prostitution ring.
Wednesday, April 17
8:00 USA ULTIMATE FIGHTS
Finally! A show that gets rid of plot, storyline, and characters and just focuses on the fight scenes!
“Teenage Booze Party” invitations can be sent to… steve@thestranger.com