Publicists are paid to be excited, I know, but the e-mail entitled "ALL ABOARD! 'DISNEY'S A CHRISTMAS CAROL' TRAIN TOUR ROLLS INTO SEATTLE" went further. It was glee beyond glee. Unrestrained, celestial joy. Clearly this mysterious Train du Disney was an experience so sublime that mere mortals would be lucky to escape with our lives, because awesomeness is an infection AND WE ALL MIGHT DIE OF IT. And so I, the brave and curious, RSVP'd, and so the publicist (a lovely gal—I kid because I love) responded: "Heck yes! Come on by around 8am so you can sleep in and be prepared to be blown away!!! I am with the train in Portland and it is AMAZING!!!!!" Exclamation. Points.
Disney's A Christmas Carol: The Train, which will visit 40 cities in the next few months ("Christmas in July!"), is essentially a giant press kit. Only instead of being some papers and stuff tucked into a Pee Chee folder, IT IS A TRAIN. The film (which comes out November 6) is, clearly, just what the world needs—yet another Christmas Carol adaptation (!!!), this time rendered in Polar Express–style motion capture and starring Jim Carrey in SEVEN ROLES "including all three ghosts." Yep. You know you want it, human!
The first car displays portraits of the cast in their CGI-enhanced roles: Carrey as warty old Scrooge and pimply young Scrooge, Cary Elwes (so doughy now!) as Dick Wilkins, Bob Hoskins as Mr. Fezziwig, Colin Firth as Fred, Gary Oldman as Tiny Fucking Tim. Video screens show cast members opining, embarrassingly, about Dickens: "It's such a well-written book. It's a brilliant piece," offers Hoskins. You don't say!
The concept art of snowbound 19th-century London is gorgeous (if a little Thomas Kincadey) and got the corny Anglophile in me all atwitter. And the raw footage of Firth and Carrey acting together in their motion-capture space suits is fascinating—evoking weird, minimalist theater more than multibillion-dollar filmmaking. The motion-capture technology itself (Robert Zemeckis's unhealthy obsession—pull yourself together, man!), thankfully, seems much improved since 2007's dismal Beowulf: You can see its potential for twitchy naturalism and emotional range and fun, uncanny grotesquerie. And though I'm not quite convinced that those were lacking in traditional animation OR traditional human acting, I'm interested to see what A Christmas Carol delivers. Because the train, really, is amazing. You make a convincing pitch, train! (Oh, and if you want to go see the train, um, sorry. It's already in Fargo or some shit.)
On my way out, I asked the publicist, "Wow, who has the money to do all this in this economy?" And she replied, "DISNEY!!!!" Hmm. Perhaps Disney pays by the exclamation point. (If so, are you hiring? Because THEY'RE!!! MY!!!!! SPECIALTYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). 
