I interviewed the IT Crowd star about his new film, Submarine.

I have to tell you. I have not seen your movie yet, but the publicist told me to do the interview anyway.

That's fine. You are one of millions.

Are you mad at me?

No.

I hope that we can still have a nice chat.

I doubt that it will affect things. I expect the conversation would be the same had you seen it.

Why don't you just introduce yourself and talk a little about the movie?

Okay. I'm Richard Ayoade, I directed this film, Submarine, and wrote the screenplay. What's it about—you could probably consult Wikipedia for this—but it's about a 13-year-old boy who's worried about his parents breaking up at the same time as he has his first relationship. There's no naval aspect to it.

Why do you recommend that people go see your film?

I don't necessarily recommend that people do go see it. I don't think I'm in a place to recommend it. And sadly, neither are you. But yeah, I couldn't recommend it. There's no real need to see it.

We can come to a consensus that maybe some people, certain people, might enjoy it.

That statistically is possible. But I obviously cannot be trusted on the subject. So for me to recommend it would be an utterly empty gesture.

Is there a type of person that you think might enjoy it more than another type of person?

Fugitives, um, and 15-year-old cadets.

Sailors?

No.

Fish?

Fish? As a type of person? No. I mean, literally you need to be a human to fully enjoy attending this film, I'd say.

Well, fully enjoy. A dolphin is aquatic and intelligent.

Those things are both facts, yeah. Surely this interview is going to be brutally pruned.

Do you get to take a nap soon?

You'd hope. But it may be a continual slide from this moment on.

Should we be done?

Yes.

Thank you for talking to me.

It's fine.