Imagine an attempt at a social-media satire where the main character takes the entire movie to realize sharing all of your personal information online might be bad. You'll end up with The Circle, a cautionary tale for grandpas who think robots steal their medicine.

It's shocking that a movie starring Emma Watson, Tom Hanks, John Boyega, Patton Oswalt, Glenn Headly, and Bill Paxton and written by Dave Eggers could be so bad, but The Circle is a complete whiff—a movie that doesn't work at all from the first five minutes on, whose execution is as bad as its concept.

Watson's Mae gets a new job at a big tech company where her boss (Hanks) is developing a kind of all-seeing-eye webcam, the monitors on her desk keep multiplying, and she's unofficially judged by her "partiscore," an algorithm-based measure of how much she socializes with her coworkers.

Orwell already did the all-seeing eye thing, and "partiscore" is essentially "flair" from Office Space. Which means that for all its zeitgeisty affectations, The Circle's most contemporary update is Watson herself, who fails to offer any emotional depth beyond pout-frown and pout-confused.