We’re back at it, y’all! Your morally-questionable-yet-usually-fierce modeling show is here to soothe your 2016 nerves. Tyra (although only in the show’s billings – which is a relief, TBH) brings us an hour where we don’t have to contemplate geopolitical realities or how the orange Sith Overlord offish became our prezzie-elect yesterday. Instead, ANTM ponders what it means to be too extra, how to be a good white person, and the intricacies of black identity politics. (Okay, this episode was actually pretty political, but in a SparkNotes / VH1 kinda way.)
Although “Lights, Camera, Catwalk” is the second episode of the cycle, it feels like the season opener since it’s the first time we see the girls live together. (There’s a cute little runway in their backyard – like a Polly Pocket house!) The first challenge of the episode is a walk-off. Stacey McKenzie (catwalk goddess, judge from the short-lived Canada’s Next Top Model, and actress in The Fifth Element) is their strut coach with the help of voguers from the House of Mugler. Three things are important: (1) Kyle and Justine give awful walks. (2) The House of Mugler yells at Paige that they “wanna see the drama” (which is ironic because Paige basically only instigates things and gives kooky faces). And (3) Binta IS A BOSS, looks killer the whole time, and snatches a win for her squad.
Above all else, the BIG BIG MOMENT of the episode is the screamfest about white privilege, black heritage, and whether Giah is from Africa or the country (like the Cracker Barrel type of country). It starts with Paige tearfully describing the burden of white privilege, ending with “Black Lives DO Matter!” Giah, who is black and from Texas, tells Paige she’s one of the good white people. Paige feels good about herself. But Binta, our Seattle-based model originally from Africa, doesn’t GAF. Binta rants that the other black girls really come from Africa and that “none of us will learn to be happy unless we learn to share the wealth of the world together.” Giah responds with a patriotic speech about how they’re American and “don’t talk African.” It’s complicated. Paige, our white savior, ends the segment by saying, “I’m gonna be flat out honest that Binta scares the shit out of me.”
Later, Binta calls Paige out for being too extra, meaning Paige needs to calm the F down and stop making so many kooky faces. Paige leaves the room because she (1) cannot comprehend the she’s too extra, and (2) she’s low key afraid Binta will beat the shit out of her. Unfortunately for Binta, the producers have made Paige the narrator of this episode. Unfortunately for Paige, Binta isn’t going anywhere and will be in the top three.
But to the competition! The first shoot is difficult AF: The girls have to walk the catwalk (while Zendaya judges them), then fall onto a gaggle of male models who hold the girls up while they get their photo taken. Drew Elliot shouts insults at them from the ceiling, Law Roach tells Justine to close her legs and stop showing off her pussycat, and lots of bright lights go off. Kyle, because she was blessed by Stacey McKenzie, rises like a hot queer phoenix and wins the catwalk section. Her prize is that she gets to take a selfie with Zendaya. (This is the actual reward. The girls still freak out.) At the judging panel, Rita Ora really milks the competition between the identical twins and then announces Cody (one of the twins, but the one who cries the most) has the best photo. Coryanne, Krislian, and Justine are all in the bottom three.
But, in the end, the show’s youngest and sweetest girl gets the cut. Our lil baby boss, Justine, is the cycle’s first girl to strut away. (Well, she doesn’t really strut. Rather, she falls down, sobs, and Rita gives a weird speech about selling shoes when she was Justine’s age – so stop crying already! But all the girls do cry. Again. Except Binta.) I was hoping Justine would last a few weeks because I wanted her “My Mom Doesn’t Even Know I’m Here” backstory to get fleshed out. Ultimately, she goes home because her photo’s a disaster and she’s way too timid. Plus, Coryanne’s not going home (they won’t shut up about her mom being a legend, icon, and star), and next week’s challenge is a nude one and Krislian’s repeatedly been described as “a little sex pot.”
Girls Who Didn’t Get Screen Time This Week: Tatiana (because she’s perfect and they’re saving her), India (her one note was that one of her eyes is smaller than the other), and Cherish (who wore a really ugly skirt made out of ties that NO ONE commented on).
NEXT WEEK: The producers force them to get haircuts! Nudity! More tears! (But not from Binta.)
