"What's up, dildos?" This and a gazillion more teenage-boy-style insults are thrown around freely in the miserable, windowless, cubicle-ridden corporate sales office (where they are hawking "male-enhancement" pills, among other seemingly pathetic products aimed at "middle-American losers") where the slacker-hero of Bloodsucking Bastards, Evan Sanders, toils day-to-day, hoping for a crappy promotion as he pitifully pines for the office's HR manager, Amanda.
Evan (played by new horror-comedy golden boy Fran Kranz, the Owen Wilson–looking stoner from The Cabin in the Woods) can't seem to catch a break. Amanda (Emma Fitzpatrick from horror-thriller The Collection) hates him, his coworkers spend all day looking at internet porn instead of working, and his promotion dreams get flushed down the toilet when the new sales-manager position is filled by an outsider named Max (played by Pedro Pascal of Game of Thrones), who just happens to be his college nemesis—a complete asshole who once punched Evan in the face in front of everyone.
Evan's whole world is turning to shit. And just before it does, that's when everyone mysteriously starts turning into vampires. Heavy on laughs and loaded with one-liners (and written by a five-member-strong comedy group from Los Angeles called "Dr. God"), the scenes in Bastards drip and flow with equal parts sarcasm and blood. The normally meek Evan shotguns some cow piss with the office security guard and starts decapitating coworkers who have turned "vamp," aka "puncture monkey," with a cartoonish vengeance. The jokes get turned up to 11 about the same time as the vampire slaughtering gets ridiculously gory.
Comedy fans will probably be more impressed than horror-movie buffs, but the whole thing is a pretty harmless and hilarious ride through the horrors of being stuck in a dead-end job in the quintessential all-American workplace.