How you’re probably feeling right now.
Dear I Love Television™ Readers: While it may come as a shock and/or relief, this will be my very last I Love Television™ column EVER. (And I really mean it this time! For realz!) At this moment, you’re having one of two reactions: (1) “NOOOOOOOOO!!!” And then “AUUGGHHHH!” as you fling yourself off a 90-story building into a dumpster filled with dirty hypodermic needles, rusty safety pins, used condoms filled with broken lightbulbs—people are weird, sexually—and the political dreams of Rick Santorum. Or (2) “Eh? What? What’s an I Love Television™? Where’s my Dear Abby? And why do these nurses keep insisting I’ve wandered away from the home? GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF ME, MURDERERS!”…