Today is Mother’s Day. Have you called your mother? Good. Now take a humongous bong hit and head to Cinerama, where this morning brings Mommie Dearest, the 1981 biopic that made Joan Crawford a child-abuse icon, ruined Faye Dunaway’s career, and thrived in infamy. Make no mistake: Mommie Dearest sucks. But Ms. Dunaway’s fearless exertions elevate overacting to the status of an Olympic event. Plus: free pre-screening doughnuts! (Cinerama, 2100 Fourth Ave, www.seattlequeerfilm.org. 10:30 am, $12.)

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...