You can apply to be a Seattle contestant at bachelorliveonstage.com. Credit: DAVID PRADO/GETTY IMAGES
You can apply to be a Seattle contestant at bachelorliveonstage.com.
You can apply to be a Seattle contestant at bachelorliveonstage.com. The Bachelor Live happens on March 7, 2020, at the Paramount. DAVID PRADO/GETTY IMAGES

This story is part of The Stranger’s Art + Performance Quarterly, Winter Edition, which is on stands now.

Hi, my name is Leilani, and I watch The Bachelor. Earnestly.

I tuned in when it first premiered, during the post-Survivor reality television explosion of 2002. And I continued watching even as the singles started skewing younger, with fewer “real” women and more Instagram stars, C-list models, college students, and ex-beauty queens.

The main reason I’ve kept tuning in is the sheer bizarre humanity of it all. It’s not really about finding love, even though that’s the show’s premise. It’s about competing for love, and how much a person is willing to endure to win (to claim a prize that is essentially another human being), and how seemingly normal people can turn into complete buffoons.

Leilani was the managing editor at The Stranger beginning in January of 2017. In addition to her boring administrative duties, she sometimes got to write stuff. She’s also a Phishhead, and doesn’t...