Radiation… you are a cruel mistress. For example: Recently, I microwaved a spider and ate it—fully expecting to attain superpowers. (Yes, yes, I know the only sure method of getting superpowers is to irradiate a bug in a laboratory setting—but some of us aren’t that fancy, you bourgeois classist!) Similarly, one of my uncles got cancer and required radiation treatments… but did this sudden infusion of radiation give him the ability to jump 30 feet in the air, or see through people’s clothes? No, HE DIED. See? Radiation is a load of bunk!
I can’t think of a single real-life example where squirting radiation into our bodies makes us amazing. And that’s NOT the bill of goods I was sold by Marvel comic books! In those stories, radiation gave Spider-Man the ability to climb walls, allowed the Human Torch to fly around town on fire, and enabled Hulk to SMASH…