Literally the only reason I reviewed Race to Witch Mountain was so I could write this paragraph:

Do you sma-la-la-la-la-la-low what “The Rock” is cookin’? I fucking hope it’s another live-action Disney remake! Liiiiike Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in… Smellknobs and Cooksticks! Or The Journey of Natty “The Rock” Johnson! Honey, I Shrunk the Johnson! Herbie (and Also Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) Goes Bananas! I could literally do this all day. (Oops, I just did.)

Mission accomplished. That felt good.

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....