10:00 5 ER: Dr. Greene gets initiated into the paramedics’ club–and
cries like a goddam baby!!
11:25 TBS Movie: Raging Bull (1980). Robert DeNiro stars as
former heavyweight (and often very heavyweight) boxer Jake LaMotta.
Friday, March 19
8:00 13 Guinness World Records: Guinness moves to Friday
night with more highbrow entertainment. Tonight, a contest to see who can blow
the most spaghetti out of their nose.
11:30 USA Movie: Dazed and Confused (1993). Director Richard
Linklater’s tribute to the bong-huffin’ ’70s!
Saturday, March 20
8:00 USA Movie: Barb Wire (1996). Pamela Anderson Lee makes her
brilliant film debut in this naked remake of Casablanca!
12:05 5 Saturday Night Live: Hosted by Hollywood’s most overrated
actress of the moment, Drew Barrymore.
Sunday, March 21
5:30 4 Academy Awards: Featuring a tribute to Elia Kazan, who’s
famous for directing films and ratting out commies.
8:30 4 Barbara Walters Special: Babs asks Celine Dion, Susan
Sarandon, and Elizabeth Taylor for a definition of phone sex.
Monday, March 22
8:00 13 Road to Fame: Embarrassing early footage
of celebrities when they were eating out of garbage cans, like you and me!
9:00 13 Ally McBeal: “A Tribute to Skinny McAss,” featuring
clips of Ally’s skinny ass, as well as the cast commenting on Ally’s skinny
ass.
Tuesday, March 23
8:00 22 Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Vampire Spike returns and
causes the gang to catch Xander and Willow dry-humping in a cellar. Recommended!
Wednesday, March 24
8:30 4 It’s Like, You Know…: Debut! A
new comedy starring Jennifer Grey (Dirty Dancing), and not starring Patrick
Swayze (Dirty Dancing) or Jennifer’s big nose (Dirty Dancing).
8:00 28 Seattle Citizen: Live call-in show featuring Mark “Darth Vader” Sidran! Call 684-8828 and let him know how much he SUCKS!