Look, people think things, and that’s FINE.
For example, movie critics (several of whom are technically people) seem to think that Robert Eggers’s film The Witch, in theaters now, is scary and moody and atmospheric and smart and great. The New Yorker thought so (and it was Anthony Lane, so it counts!), Slash Film thought so, the Wall Street Journal thought so, your humble narrator, thought so, and even Stephen Goddamn King thought so:
As ever, Lane said it best:
One gradual effect of the Enlightenment was to tamp down the fires of Hell and sweep away the ashes, allowing us to bask in the rational coolness that ensued. But the loss—to the dramatic imagination, at any rate—has been immense. If your characters are convinced that a single action, a word out of place, or even a stray thought brings not bodily risk but an eternity of pain, your story will be charged with illimitable dread. No thriller, however tense, can promise half as much.
But, as Katy Waldman indicated on Slate, contemporary horror audiences could give a fuck about the gradual effects of the enlightenment. They want to be HORRIFIED. And The Witch is apparently not doing the trick.
Perhaps Stan the Movie Man of moviepilot.com put it best when he wrote:
I’m sure the filmmakers probably want “The Witch” to be viewed as more of an allegory for modern life and allowing fear to turn us against each other. In that sense the movie is a success. As a horror film, “The Witch” is mostly interesting to watch but doesn’t provide any memorable scares. While there are things that go bump in the night, they are metaphors for racism and power-hungry politicians. While scary, it’s not what most people are looking for in a horror movie.
Strawmen aside, however, there is clearly a Witchy rift somewhere, and I have some suspicions about why. But rather than open this post to the comment barbarians (talk about a mediocre horror film), I am going to put it to my august colleague Rich Smith, who I happen to know DID NOT CARE FOR THE WITCH (even though it rhymes with his first name), to summarize his—if not thee—counterargument. Rich, sir, what is your fucking problem already?
