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I appreciate the offer and all, but I don’t want to go on “a Mediterranean vacation in a bag.” I want to go on a Mediterranean vacation IN THE FUCKING MEDITERRANEAN. That bag doesn’t even have windows. Yeah, best vacation ever. I’m in a dark, slimy bag, covered with powdered cheese. “But you’re in the Mediterranean!” No, fuck you. I’m IN A POTATO CHIP BAG. Oh wait, I’m dead now. I suffocated. It’s your fault. And I hope there’s no cheese in heaven because I hate cheese now. Worst vacation ever.

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

40 replies on “Thanks but No Thanks, Kettle Chips.”

  1. Dill and Sour Cream was their only good flavor, and now it’s discontinued. 🙁

    Does anyone know where to get good dill-flavored chips now? They’re everywhere in Canada but here, it seems we have to settle for sour cream & onion.

  2. The Thai chips are amazing.

    If I had to take a vacation in a bag in order to eat the Thai chips, I’d do it.

    The only place I’ve found them for sale, though, is at Five Below. What’s that about?

  3. My Suave shampoo bottle says: Say yes to beautiful without paying the price. So far no luck. Maybe if I poured some into that Kettle Chip bag…

  4. Lindy, you’re fine. The bag is sealed in the factory, not after you purchase it. You won’t suffocate. It doesn’t do your fluttery little bird heart any good to worry so.

    Now, wash off and hop back into my pocket before someone steps on you.

  5. Tuscan smushkin, that crap has been played out for like a decade now, and what with you having the best Taco Sauce EVAR it don’t matter. Shoot, get thee down to a proper Taquería, one thats got some Lindy’s FI–INE Taco Sauce. Oh Yeah.

  6. It’s barfarific marketing, yes, but Kettle chips are delicious.

    Eat them with cottage cheese to slow heart rate.

  7. FangDoc, I’ve bought the Thai chips at my neighborhood Safeway.

    medeii, I think the Tim’s dill pickle chips are pretty tasty.

  8. Kettle chips are probably the best chips you can by in a bag. Buffalo and Bleu, Yogurt and Green Onion, Cheddar and Beer, Honey Dijon, I love them all. I have yet to have a bad Kettle Chip.

    No I do not work for them, I am just a fan.

  9. Tim’s Wasabi flavor is awesome. Hate anybody’s salt-and-vinegar chips. But I love malt vinegar and seasoned salt on fresh skin-on fries (like Steak Escape’s). Go figger.

  10. You’re missing out if you don’t try the Thai chips. They made me get over my fear of spicy foods– now I’ll eat a bag in a sitting.

    And how can you not find Kettle Chips everywhere? They’re at every QFC and Safeway I can think of.

  11. Would an order of fried rice from Golden Royal Dragon Palace Garden be a trip to Shanghai in a cardboard box?

    Suddenly I’m getting hungry…

  12. I wish Tim’s would bring back the Coney Island chips. By some amazing feet of sorcery they got a chip to taste like a hot dog with ketsup and musturd! It was like the Joe Louis of chips. Truly a champion. Proving the USA’s greatness amongst nations and first in out of sight snackfoods!
    Bonus if you where a little stoned sitting on a bench at Alki pensively munching on a bag on a mildly pissy day in october….it was almost like you were there…..almost, almost… not really, but kinda…kinda..

  13. Ease up, Lindy. Didja fall into the vinegar chips by mistake?

    These days, you take your vacations where you can get them.

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