Welcome to class. There are three basic ways to clean your nasty-ass glass pieces, and today we're going to go over all of them. But first, you may be wondering: Why would I ever need to clean my nasty-ass glass pieces? Well, Mr. Bezos, not everyone can afford to buy a new Chihuly every time their bong, bubbler, or pipe clouds up.

Your nasty-ass glass pieces look like lung cancer and smell like old plant water. Cleaning them won't just make your weed taste better, it will actually make your pieces smoke better, too. No wisp of THC can get through a clogged up glass piece, so this chore, unlike taxes, is not optional. Now, let's get started.

Method 1: Boil it

In the days before the internet, we had to get all our weed tips from some guy named Rodney who sold dime bags (look those up) out of his locker. Rodney told me to boil my glass pipe to clean it, which is how I ruined my mom's good spaghetti pot in 1995.

Boiling your glass pieces in water does work, but all the resin that gets released is sticky as fuck and will destroy whatever vessel you're doing the boiling in. If you decide to go this route, I recommend picking up an old pot down at Goodwill and designating it for nasty-ass glass pieces only. Make sure it's not the same one you use to clean your sex toys.

Method 2: Buy cleaning products

There are plenty of products on the market for cleaning glass pieces. Here's what you do: Get some cash, decide you don't want to use it for buying cleaning products, go down to the pot shop and use the cash to buy a few grams of dank flower instead. (And don't forget to tip.) Retail cleaning products can work, but they're also more expensive and less effective than using a few household goods, which brings us to...

Method 3: Make a cocktail

This cocktail is probably not one you're going to want to drink (at least without a chaser), but it does include alcohol and a brine. Skip the tequila aisle this time and go right to the pharmacy. You're looking for rubbing alcohol, and there are a few basic types to choose from. For this, you want the strong shit. Look for bottles that say "99 percent," and then get some ziplock plastic bags and some coarse salt (Epsom or kosher will do). And maybe some candy for later.

Now, once you have your ingredients, mix the salt with the rubbing alcohol in the ziplock bag. How much? Depends on the size of your pipe/bong/bubbler, but use enough liquid fill the bag partway and throw in a tablespoon (or teaspoon, whatever) of salt. This isn't baking—just eyeball it.

Put your thing in and shake. The liquid will soon start to resemble sewer water, and your piece will come out the other side looking almost brand-new. This method can be used to clean your stem and your bowl as well. And it also works great on the inside of bongs—just dump the salt and alcohol in and shake.

Of all these options, I recommend the third method, which is easy and cheap, and will leave your glass pieces cleaner than a nun after confession. Class dismissed!