Here’s something you might not expect to read in an alt-newspaper run by cynical assholes: Many of Seattle’s well-known attractions and stereotypical “tourist traps” are worth visiting at least once. Pike Place Market, the Space Needle, Smith Tower, the Seattle Underground... sure, they’re often crawling with bumbling out-of-towners, but they’re also packed with history, offering context to this strange little world we’ve created in the upper left corner of America. (For example, did you know how much of Seattle was built on sex work? Google Lou Graham and get a head start on your homework.)

Play Paintball at Gas Works Park

Wallingford

Just kidding. You can’t play paintball at Gas Works Park. 10 Things I Hate About You lied, and that heartwarming montage of Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger’s date was just movie magic. It’s still worth a visit, though! The waterfront park was once home to the Seattle Gas Light Company, and much of the defunct gasification plant still stands today. It’s cool! You’ll feel like you’re in a Tim Burton movie. There are also dreamy views of Lake Union and the city skyline, rolling green hills perfect for picnicking, and the occasional concert. Just stay off the gas towers! People have died or been seriously injured after falling from the eroding equipment. MEGAN SELING

Have a Picnic at the Hat ’n’ Boots

Georgetown

Eating a sandwich under, or near, the largest hat and boots in America is a simple joy. Back in the ’50s, the Hat ’n’ Boots roadside attraction served as the respective office and restrooms of the state’s most successful gas station. Business boomed until I-5 siphoned traffic from the Georgetown neighborhood, and it closed in 1988. The giant accessories would’ve been erased from the face of the earth if passionate neighborhood residents hadn’t wrangled the funds to save, restore, and relocate the iconic structures to Oxbow Park in 2003. It’s a really big hat! Giddy up! VIVAN McCALL

Gaze at the Stars with Volunteer Park’s Telescope Club

Capitol Hill

Volunteer Park, built by the famous Olmsted Brothers at the turn of the century (the 20th century, that is), is one of Seattle’s most popular parks. There you’ll find the Seattle Asian Art Museum, the Volunteer Park Conservatory, a water tower (just 107 steps to the top!), and lovely gardens. It’s there, in front of the museum, where the city’s impromptu telescope gang gathers on clear nights, inviting passersby to take a closer look at the stars… and the moon and comets and planets and galaxies and nebulae and whatever other intergalactic sights are visible at the time. You can chance it and hope you come across them on a cloudless evening, or you can email VolunteerParkTelescopesEmail@gmail.com to get added to their mailing list. I love that our city is full of kind, curious people who just want to share their passions with others, no strings attached. MEGAN SELING

Get Dizzy on the Space Needle’s Glass Floor

Seattle Center

“It’s a tourist trap!” they cry. “What a waste of money!” they shout. Ignore the haters. Whether you’re in town for the weekend or a lifelong Seattleite, it’s worth taking a trip to the top of the Space Needle at least once in your life. The 605-foot-tall attraction was built for the 1962 World’s Fair, but it underwent a massive renovation in 2017 and now features a disorientingly awesome (awesomely disorienting?) rotating, all-glass floor. You can stand on it or sit on it or lay on it belly down to feel like you’re (very slowly) flying above the Seattle Center. One floor above that is an all-glass observation deck that offers one of the best views in the city. MEGAN SELING

Snap a Pic of the ‘Singles’ Building

Capitol Hill

If you live in Seattle and haven’t seen the seminal 1992 Cameron Crowe classic Singles, I insist that you amend this grievance posthaste (preferably by renting it from Scarecrow Video). The movie is a rom-com set in the golden age of grunge, featuring multiple storylines about lovelorn locals living in a single apartment block and accompanied by a soundtrack of artists like Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, and Soundgarden. Their building, which advertises “Singles” (as in one-bedroom apartments) for rent, serves as the fulcrum of the film, and you can still see it today—it’s actually the Coryell Court apartment building on Capitol Hill, located at the corner of 19th and East Thomas Avenue. I still get a little thrill every time I pass it. Bear in mind that tenants live there, so please be mindful of their privacy and keep a respectful distance. JULIANNE BELL

Get High and Go to the Seattle Aquarium

Waterfront

One day, when I was feeling particularly depressed and burnt out, I decided to realize my dream of living out the Reductress headline “Stoned Woman Eating Pretzel Bread at Aquarium Has No Need for God or Money.” Just as I’d suspected, a little herbal enhancement transformed my grown-up field trip into a transcendent experience—I got to learn about the resident harbor seals, witness frolicking sea otters, coo over puffins, and prod sea anemones in a touch tank. The highlight was gazing at undulating jellyfish in an illuminated tank, which I truly could have done for hours in my altered state. I highly recommend this entire outing as a salve for the melancholy soul. Plus, it’s a little-known fact that you can book free tickets to the Seattle Aquarium through the Seattle Public Library and King County Library, so with some planning, this low-lift excursion was also completely free. JULIANNE BELL

Brunch with Literal Bears at Woodland Park Zoo

Phinney Ridge

What do you do when you’ve exhausted all of the city’s best brunch options? You’ve had your fill of dutch babies, you’ve drunk dry the few spots that do bottomless mimosas, and, despite eating all the huevos rancheros (in this economy!?), you still feel… empty. Well, don’t worry. Seattle’s Woodland Park Zoo has put together a Grazing at the Zoo series where you can have pancakes at the penguin exhibit, sip afternoon tea and munch on little cakes in a pollinator garden, and brunch with bears. If you aren’t picky about your dining companions, join the zoo’s brunch club, where you can have eggs Benedict with different beasts depending on the date.  NATHALIE GRAHAM

See Where That Person Got Abducted in ‘Malignant’

Pioneer Square

There is nothing quite like taking a pilgrimage to pay respect to an iconic horror destination right here within the city. No, not The Ring remake. I’m talking about where the one tour guide was abducted in Malignant. You know, the Seattle-set film that was absolutely not filmed here yet is still one of the most bonkers to ever pretend to? If you’re unfamiliar, the film features a key scene where a character is taken while cleaning up from an underground tour. The real tour in Seattle, Bill Speidel’s Underground Tour, is nothing like how it appeared onscreen; it’s actually much more useful for understanding the true and complicated history of this place. But hey, you can always imagine there’s a terrifying figure lurking in the darkness that’s just waiting for its moment to strike. And watch out for the zombie spiders as seen in Last of Us! They’re real, and they’re shuffling around down there, too. CHASE HUTCHINSON

Duck Under Flying Fish at the Pike Place Market

Pike Place Market 

Visiting Pike Place Market may be one of the most stereotypical Seattle things you could do, but that place is legit magic, and full of tourists and locals alike. (Never call it “Pike’s Place” unless you wanna get run out of town.) There are 500 vendors, so every stop can be a new experience, but on your first trip, prioritize two things: fresh flowers and fresh fish. The flowers, sourced from local farms, are unbelievably beautiful, and the huge bouquets are a bargain compared to florist shops or even grocery stores. Just beyond the rows of flowers, you’ll find the famous flying fish. A gimmick? Sure. But it’s pretty damn cool to watch the fishmongers throw fish orders back and forth to each other to be bagged up and rung up for customers. And if you’re lucky, you might see celebrities, including Bruce Springsteen, Chelsea Handler, or any number of local professional athletes fielding a fish for fans. RACHEL STEVENS

Ride a Ferry

Waterfront

Every local has their preferred view of Seattle’s skyline. Some swear by Kerry Park on Queen Anne; others insist on Alki Beach in West Seattle. Personally, my favorite view is the one you see while standing on the deck of a Washington State Ferry as it pulls away from Colman Dock downtown. Walk, bike, or drive onto a boat headed to Bremerton or Bainbridge Island—both have charming little city centers within walking distance from their respective landings—and grab a spot on the outside deck on the backside. It will be windy, it will probably be cold, but the air is crisp and salty and the view is incredible. You will see the whole skyline, from the Space Needle to Mount Rainier, stretching out across the horizon. Breathe it in. Then, as the city fades into the distance, warm up inside with a too-hot cup of hot chocolate from a vending machine that looks like it’s been there since the ’80s. MEGAN SELING

Take Shelter at the Gum Wall

Pike Place Market

While we might not know who put the first piece of colorful, chewed-up goop along Post Alley’s now-saliva-encrusted bricks, we do know that adding your gum to Seattle’s iconic Gum Wall could be the key to saving the city. Tucked alongside Pike Place Market is a tunnel-like passageway covered in chewed-up gum dating back to the 1990s. (The City did try to clean the wall once, in 2015, and removed more than 2,350 pounds of gum, but surely they missed some of the early bits, right?) Grab a pack of your favorite flavor and head on down to become a part of Seattle’s most disturbing wallpaper. Perhaps when the Big One hits—because it’s coming—there might be enough of the sticky substance to stop the city from splitting in two... just make sure to wash your hands after. NICO SWENSON

Get Soaked—or Don’t!—at the International Fountain

Seattle Center

You haven’t truly been to Seattle until you’ve been baptized in the waters of the International Fountain at the Seattle Center on a barely hot enough summer’s day. Built in 1961 for the World’s Fair, the fountain—which cycles through water shows set to music between 10 am and 9 pm—is a prime place to soak up the sun, dare your friends to touch the metal dome without getting drenched by unpredictable water cannons, or watch kids of all ages experience the purest forms of surprise and delight. It’s free, it’s fun, it’s in the shadow of the Space Needle, and it’s a lifelong challenge—I have never once touched the dome without getting absolutely soaked, though to my intense chagrin, I have watched a cocky teenager walk backward to the fountain’s heart with nary a drop. I’ll get you one day, fountain... SHANNON LUBETICH

Go Troll Hunting

Multiple locations

Under the famous, almost 3,000-foot-long Aurora Bridge sits Seattle’s most famous troll. (Several other not-so-famous ones live in The Stranger’s online comments section—har har.) A few fun facts: The Fremont Troll was installed in 1990, it weighs 13,000 pounds, and it was yet one more local filming location for the 1999 teen rom-com 10 Things I Hate About You. For years, the Volkswagen-eating beast ruled the region, but recently Seattle has seen a troll resurgence. Buoy, the Seattle Kraken’s grunge-loving blue-haired mascot, moved into the Climate Pledge Arena in 2022, and more recently five of artist Thomas Dambo’s giant wooden trolls—they’re anywhere from 15 to 30 feet tall—have taken up residence in Ballard, West Seattle, Issaquah, Bainbridge Island, and Vashon Island. Try to spot them all! MEGAN SELING

Dance—and Drink, and Eat, and Party—in a Neoclassical Skyscraper

Pioneer Square

After a revamping in 2021, Pioneer Square’s iconic Smith Tower now has all kinds of cool shit going on, including its actually very good lounge, the Smith Tower Observatory Bar. There’s a scary sky cage ringing around the entirety of the 35th floor, and you can get drunk and walk around in it! They also offer cocktail classes that are, at $125 a pop, admittedly not cheap, but you each get three cocktails and a complimentary glass of bubbly, and you get to stuff your face interminably on a fancy charcuterie station with kiwi and capicola and about nine kinds of cheese. MEG VAN HUYGEN

Visit a Cool Building Featured on the Buildings of Seattle Instagram Account

Multiple locations

Buildings of Seattle is one of the best things to happen on Instagram. Founder Keith Cote created the account at the beginning of the pandemic, and he posts detailed but compressed descriptions of the homes, apartment buildings, and towers of our city. I did not know there was so much to say about Seattle’s architecture until I read the steady and never-disappointing stream of information on this feed of photos and words written in a style that is as informative as it is charming. It’s also noteworthy that Cote is not part of a movement, nor does he take sides with one architectural style over another. He only writes about what catches his eye during one of his many long walks around the city. Scroll through his Instagram feed, find a building that catches your eye, and read up on its history while paying it a visit. CHARLES MUDEDE

Say Hi to Dave Matthews

Multiple locations

That’s right, the patron saint of dad rock walks among us. I first learned this fact in second grade when my teacher told us that her favorite singer, Dave Matthews, was her next-door neighbor. Years later, I was playing at the park with my little sister when Matthews and his kids arrived. I heard my dad say, “Wow, you look a lot like Dave Matthews!” and Matthews responded, “Well, I am Dave Matthews!” I won’t disclose his address, but trust me—if you spend enough time near the Woodland Park Zoo, you will inevitably “Crash” into him. AUDREY VANN