Whether you’re local or visiting, you probably already know about our historic gayborhood, Capitol Hill. On the Hill alone, you can visit the West Coast’s oldest lesbian bar, dodge (or don’t dodge) the overflowing urinal at Cuff Complex, and check out the vintage porn on the walls at Pony. But queer shit is everywhere in Seattle: TUSH, the drag show we insist you don’t miss, is in Beacon Hill; Ballard is home to Rough & Tumble, our very own women’s sports bar. And it’s also not all nightlife. If you’re underage, check out Charlie’s Queer Books for a cozy, friendly space, minus the booze. But whatever else you do on your queerscapades in Seattle, don’t forget to suck a dick in Volunteer Park. For history.

Catch a Drag Show… Any Drag Show

Multiple locations

It’s hard not to find a show featuring one of Seattle’s many professional, gender-expansive royalty—they’re overflowing from nearly every restaurant, nightclub, and DIY art space across the city. Capitol Hill alone is home to weekly shows at Queer/ Bar, Unicorn, and Neighbours, just to name a few. If you’re down south, don’t miss the camp-classic Bacon Strip at Jules Mae’s in Georgetown. Up north? There are multiple phenomenal shows at Dreamland in Fremont. I don’t have time nor room on this page to begin listing off the endless brunch options, but if you’re looking for eggs, booze, and hairy ladies in sequinned gowns, let’s just say you’re in the right city. NICO SWENSON

Specifically, Do Not Miss TUSH at Clock-Out Lounge

Beacon Hill

As mentioned above, you really can’t go wrong with drag shows in this town, and one of the favorites among Stranger staffers is Betty Wetter’s TUSH at Clock-Out Lounge. Since 2018, Wetter has cultivated a space where queens are encouraged to experiment, to get a little weird, and push their creativity beyond the reliable slick and shiny lipsynching performances that have become the status quo. (No hate, those can be fun, too!) The result is always fresh, surprising, and fun as hell. Wetter and TUSH are going balls to the wall for Pride month, too, with shows featuring Seattle superstars like Beau Degas, Pupusa, Amora Namor, and beloved Stranger contributor Miss Texas 1988 (check out our Instagram, @thestrangerseattle, for her hilarious videos). Load up on dollar bills and go shower them with love. MEGAN SELING

Do a Fruit Loop at Union

Capitol Hill

What’s a fruit loop, you ask? No, it’s not a rainbow-colored frozen drink that tastes like breakfast cereal. A fruit loop is a... well, I’ll let my group chat field this one: “A ‘fruit loop’ is when one excuses themself from their present company to travel around the interior of a queer establishment and scan the crowd.” “At Union, most will play this off as a bathroom break, as the bathrooms are located at the midpoint of the loop.” “Union is the perfect place for a fruit loop.” “I’ll go to Union first because that’s where everyone starts the night, and then I’ll do my fruit loop.” “It’s building community!” “It’s an opportunity to make intense eye contact with people you’re going to message on Grindr in an hour.” “It’s also just to say hello to friends: I wouldn’t say it’s always about the prowl.” “This guy does it all the time.” “I am very guilty of this.” “I’m sure everyone does it.” ADAM WILLEMS

Join a Totally Gay Book Club

Multiple locations

Would you like to indulge in the intellectual pleasures of discussing literature in the company of your fellow queer bibliophiles? Seattle has a book club for that! Check out the Queer Seattle Book Club, which meets every fourth Tuesday at the shop Queertique on Capitol Hill—LGBTQ+ cuties are invited to bring a book, chat about their latest reads, make new friends, and find new acquisitions for their library. If you’re more on the introverted side, try Queer Silent Book Club Seattle, which invites queers and allies to read in companionable silence at venues like Charlie’s Queer Books, with opportunities for introductions and conversation. Charlie’s also has its own groups for various genres, from historical fiction to horror and from sci-fi to romance. Sapphic readers may also want to look into the Seattle Lesbian Literature Meetup Group, which is affiliated with Elliott Bay Book Company and regularly gathers at Gay City. JULIANNE BELL

Dodge—or Don’t—the Overflowing Urinal at the Cuff Complex

Capitol Hill

Seattle is home to a permanent watersports fixture in the form of pee flowing pretty consistently onto the dance floor of the Cuff Complex (aka the Cuff), a leather-forward gay dance club on Capitol Hill. Blame the aquatics on faulty plumbing. There’s one cursèd urinal on the mezzanine level of this Dante’s Inferno-esque nightlife destination that I’ve never not seen overflowing with poise and grace down the stairs. If it’s your thing, take your shirt off and bring rain boots that match your harness! Or don’t bring boots if that’s your thing, I guess. ADAM WILLEMS

Cheer for Your Team at Our Queer AF Sports Bars

Multiple locations

Rough & Tumble is my favorite place in Seattle to watch sports. And I’m not just saying that because of the cheese curds! Their spacious, family-friendly dining area is full of TVs at every angle, and they prioritize women’s sports. Snack on an Abby Wambroccolini while watching the Storm game! Get a plate of Billie Jean King chicken wings before the Reign match! There’s never a meathead in sight! This summer, another women’s sports-focused queer-friendly sports bar is set to open on Capitol Hill from the folks at La Dive and Rich Rich. Pitch the Baby doesn’t have an open date yet, but follow them on Instagram (@pitchthebabybar) for updates. And the timing couldn’t be better. This spring, Seattle got a new semi-pro women’s soccer team (co-owned by Rough & Tumble owner Jen Barnes and women from the Reign and the Storm), and in the fall, our new PWNHL team will make their debut at Climate Pledge Arena. Welcome to Seattle, where even our sports bars are totally gay. Trump would hate it here. MEGAN SELING

Join the Pink Pony Club at Sapphic Seattle

Multiple locations

If you worship at the altar of Chappell Roan and are looking for a place to dance surrounded by queer women and non-binary babes all night long in your mini skirt and your go-go boots, consider one of Sapphic Events’ dance parties. The local small event production business puts on functions with playful themes like ren faire, Y2K, disco, Barbie, prom, and space, and attendees dress the part. DJs, MCs, and go-go dancers keep the crowd in high spirits, and a portion of the proceeds supports organizations such as the Audre Lorde Project, Black Trans Advocacy Coalition, and Indigenous Women Rising. JULIANNE BELL

Speaking of Ponies, Go to Pony!

Capitol Hill

I could name several events in my life that qualify as a sexual awakening, but nothing beats my first time at Capitol Hill queer bar Pony. I wandered in one Halloween night dressed as Truth or Dare-era Madonna (cone bra and dress pants) and was immediately confronted (Pony is small) with a hunky guy in tighty whities doing a pole dance routine to Björk’s “Army Of Me.” I was utterly dumbfounded. My legs turned to jelly. Once I caught my breath, I was pleasantly surprised by the affordable drinks, safe atmosphere, and abundance of vintage pornography adorning the walls. Whether you stop by on Halloween night or any regular weekday evening, you will always find something delightfully unexpected at Pony. AUDREY VANN

Grab a Drink at Wildrose, the West Coast’s Oldest Lesbian Bar

Capitol Hill

There are only 33 lesbian bars left in the country, and Wildrose is one of them. Everyone likes to give it a different superlative: the last remaining lesbian bar in Seattle; the oldest lesbian bar on the West Coast; the longest continually running lesbian bar in the country. All of them are true. (And rumor has it, even before the space became an offi cial lesbian bar, you could walk into the bar, ask for a drink with a twist, and you’d be seated in the balcony with the other sapphics.) Come here for go-go dancers. Come here for Schitt’s Creek trivia. Come here for good local beer or jello shots, depending on your vibe that night. Come here to hear someone talk about the days when Ani DiFranco and Brandi Carlile used to play here. But most importantly, come here because lesbian bars are disappearing, so give them your money! HANNAH MURPHY WINTER

Suck a Dick in Volunteer Park. For History’s Sake!

Capitol Hill

Nestled in the gayborhood of Capitol Hill, Volunteer Park features a landmark conservatory, a stunning view from a historic water tower, and a vibrant past of queers getting off in the bushes. The park was founded in 1876, and ever since, gays have been getting a mouthful behind the beautiful dahlias and taking it in from behind amongst the bursting rhododendrons. To be clear, I’m “not” telling you to commit any “acts of public indecency,” I’m just saying that if you’ve met your Grindr hookup in a shadowy shrub along the duck ponds, you’ve successfully contributed to an important oral history. NICO SWENSON