Stephen Weissman


"I'm not being oppressed, I'm just an asshole"

If you want to have exclusive private events then don't hold them in public places. Unless you own the bar/club you have zero say in who should or shouldn't be allowed on any night, theme or no theme. If the desire to be exclusive is strong throw your own party or take a collection and book a club.

Maybe I'm wrong and homophobes partying all night at gay events then staking out the parking lots is a thing that happens.
@1, it's been 'a thing that happens' - for decades.

When I came out in the 70's, it was common for a few straight couples to attend Gay Night when any straight bar offered it. Straight club owners knew that gay folk drank a lot, tipped well, and tended to party without fighting - the owners knew it was a lucrative, low-maintenance crowd. Metro / 15 Lansdowne Street, the largest club in New England at that time, is one example - Sunday nights were gay night.

The bouncers at the entrance made it clear to all who entered the bar that it was gay night, to ensure that everyone was on the same page and wouldn’t be surprised or offended by queer action.

About 2/3 of the straight couples were cool - they intentionally came on gay night because the music and entertainment were better and the crowd was fun and generally had little interest in them.

The other 1/3 in attendance were there to get shitfaced and heckle queers. When they got kicked out (depending on the club, they'd usually be warned once then booted if they didn't chill), it was completely common for straight couples to wait 'till (or come back for) closing time and harass the gay club patrons walking to their cars.

It's not a made-up phenomenon. Ask any queer who’s been around since the 50’s/60’s/70’s and you’ll discover how common it is, and has been, for ages.
Spoken with the same genuine open-mindless and inclusiveness that the LGBTired community wanted with the likes of "Marriage". (I'm embarrassed to identify with such a community).
Let us all know which bar you're talking about so I'll know NEVER to go there and you can have the place to yourself ALL the time.
Being straight, my initial reaction was to push back, as well. However, if I had been fucked with over my life like that, I'd have an issue with straights coming on queer nights as well. Fuck it, like you say, you've got the damn bar all the rest of the time, why not give these folks some extra-safe time? Let'em be for chrissakes!
As a straight person who is on your side, can I come party and give you the respect you deserve? Better yet, can I come and help call out the assholes who don't? The problem is real, lets solve with togetherness and acceptance.
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!!
But seriously, being a fruit-loop or non-fruit-loop isn't the issue here - the letter-writer obviously stresses that s/he is unable to control other people in a public place (people who are ruining MY party!). Well, Missy Thing! Sad that! The gays I know don't give a flip about what the "other people" are doing while they have fun. LW needs a nice tall glass of MYOB.

An aside, keeping breeders out of a gay bar will not prevent you from getting bashed or provide any modicum of safety.
AND my gay pals have ALWAYS been inclusive - "come with!" - when they go out for a romp at gay-friendly clubs. AND the very few occasions I have gone along I actually never ever threatened anyone, made out with anyone, or made telepathic promises to assault someone from a dark corner of the room.
Honestly, I'm at 50/50 on this one. It is shitty when people outside of the community come into queer spaces to oogle/heckle/harass people and yes, it happens frequently. Drunk dudes packing the Rose and trying to grind on me or my wife. Bacherolette parties groping guys at R Place etc. It is also frustrating when allies/straight folks take up the majority of the space at a queer event making it so the people it was intended for cannot participate. On the flip side, I've invited straight friends and family to events. However, they didn't show up 20 deep and stayed respectful. Here's some easy guidelines: Go to a queer event if you're a respectful ally invited by someone in the community (rainbow passport?). Realize that not everything is for you and be ok with that. The chances are that what ever is happening at a queer night, there is the exact same thing happening somewhere else in the city for straight people.
As far as having to watch straight people make out, I say go for it! "Love is Love!"
Gay people: "We're inclusive, but not really all that inclusive..."

Yeah, OK...

By the way, how would you all feel if some "breeder" (Really? Breeder?) told you to stay the fuck out of their bar? THEIR bar?
::yawn:: seriously, straight folx? You sure are getting it twisted. Are you so uncomfortable/insecure with your straight privilege you need to be included in /everything/? For those of you who are supposedly "inclusive," this is clearly not about you, so why the need to take things personally? If you were really a so-called "ally," you wouldn't be getting defensive because you'd understand it's a matter of systemic and institutional oppression and I don't know, respecting people's space. Unless you experience oppression or harrassment on the daily, you have no idea what it's like to walk around with a target on your back and deal with assholes in places that are supposed to be welcoming not to mention on the streets. Womxn, you know this well. So, straight and hell why not, cisgendered folx, kindly do your homework before writing another uninformed, oppressive, and yes, homophobic comment that totally misses the point.
The problem isn't so much the straight a-holes as it is the management. If they are not policing the trouble makers then you must assume it is not so much a night FOR gays as it is a night where gays are the featured attraction.
You don't like being excluded yourself, why is it ok to exclude other people? No matter the reason or justification, creating a race, gender, or sexuality schedule as a prerequisite for entry into any event or institution is kind of fundamentally against what civil and equal rights movements have struggled to obtain thus far.

Society is messy, conflicted, difficult, and beautiful when it's diverse. Embrace it instead of complaining about it and maybe grow your circle of understanding and inclusion rather than box out that which you deem other.
@15) My black friends aren't gay.
I'm with the writer. Fuck the hell off, straight people. You own every space. We get this to ourselves.
ZOMG, the straight privilege just reeks around here, doesn't it? If you even have to ask WHY LGBTQA people might want one fucking night out of the month to go to a place and NOT be harassed/ogled/ground (sp?) on/whatever by people like YOU, then clearly you have no concept of what they have to go through on a daily basis, and maybe you should just lock that whiny, self-absorbed privilege away in a drawer somewhere and STFU already.
This is a rerun.

But seriously, if you don't want me there, you'll have to kick me out. Otherwise shut up.
@8, yeah, it comes down to that, doesn't it. There's only so much control, only so much "safety" and then The World...To me, one who drinks when parched (see also Alcoholism), if the sign says open and there's a bar to rest the elbows, so be it,,,,you don't like my kind around, and if the business has no objections to tendering my kind's greenbacks, then too bad for you.
@18 Totally agree, give people their fucking space. I'm straight, and two of my local bars are wonderfully mixed most nights, so on the occasional night promoted as exclusively queer, I have a million other places I could go. Why insert myself? What point does that prove?

So much unawareness of nightlife etiquette here, me thinks many commenters would become the problem the author is trying to avoid.
The straight folks that would most likely back you up during a confrontation are the ones you're discouraging from coming to these events. I understand the frustration, but the ones that are A-holes are going to continue being A-holes. Better to invite more allies and just ask them to try coming to the club around closing time.
Did LW ask the couple what their genders were? Did they make sure neither person was TQIA+? Or did they just assume, and make an ass out of themselves?
@23 how do you know I'm not 1/16 Cherokee, eh?

Is this some sort of demonstration for a computer algorithm that composes posts based on liberal buzzwords? If so, I am impressed.
@24, I don't. That's kind of my point. Lots of TQIA+ people "pass" as straight/cis, whether they want to or not. I'm not going to tribute to erasure. If you want to, that's on you.
Jeez, relax people! There's nothing wrong with gay people wanting to have a place for themselves to be accepted, feel safe, be with their friends, party as crazy or sane as they want and not have to feel like someone is judging them, or planning to take out thier own homophobic issues out on them. Why are you getting your panties so twisted!!!!!????
This is how it has been, from waaaaay back. Especially now that all those new people came here, Seattle is turning into a bunch of whiners! I remember going to Neighbor's in the 80's-90's, it was a blast! But the unwritten rule was "This is not your space, respect those who's space it is".
Not so much now, I guess.
Really, just read more comments, what a bunch of WHINEY ASS BABIES!!!!!
Why can't you just be cool??
try to see this from the bar owner's point of view. it's the owner's place, she's the one who pays the rent and covers the bills. shouldn't she have something to say about who's welcome? you and your friends can be as inclusive or exclusive as you want to be but, ultimately, too few customers means no profit and sooner or later, no bar.
Excellent troll. Why those straights always gotta be so in your face about groping each other??? I don't care what you do but I don't want to see it!
@29. Now who's whining?

Good points otherwise.. but c'mon, its easy to trigger straight white men right now.. let us whine here. Our wives won't listen to us either. Respect our space.

See, here's the thing whiny straight guy - SLOG is NOT YOUR space.
Fuck straights thinking they are being supportive by coming to queer night. I don't want your blessing, you over important shit heal. GTFO and take Becky's Bachelorette party and her groping mom with you.
@33. Haven't you heard? Every space is white male space. Check you privilege checking privilege.
@29 - That really is the crux of the issue—people just can't be cool. They want to be RIGHT. They assume they're invited... ALWAYS. Children's birthday party at the park? Fuck that, it's a public park, I have every right to join them! Shabbat service? Whatever, it's a free country, don't see why my Hail Mary's should bother anyone at this synagogue. Church is church!
What if a cis bi guy wants to make out with a cis bi girl in a club. Which bar should they go to? What about a transman and a transwoman? How about a queer identified ...? At which point do you check ID?
There is no possibility for 'inclusion' in the realm of 'exclusion'.

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