I watch you from my window enough to know who you are and where you live. The first time I saw your dog shit in my yard, I opened the door and asked you if you had forgotten something. "Oops, I didn't see her do that," you replied. That was the only time you picked it up. Since then, I've been putting your dog's deposits into an old pickle bucket I keep out back—and when it's full, it's getting dumped onto your lawn with a complimentary roll of poop bags. I have also posted this on our neighborhood Nextdoor site, complete with screenshots of you, asshole. Hopefully one or the other will spur you into doing your doggy due diligence.


To submit an unsigned confession or accusation, send an e-mail to ianonymous@thestranger.com. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty.