To the asshole at the unnamed Mexican joint: I was finishing my plate of tacos when you asked me if I could move to the counter so you and your friend could sit at the two-top I was, at that moment, occupying. Your order wasn’t even ready yet, and you could clearly see I was almost done with my meal. But nooo, you couldn’t wait three or four more minutes. The fuck!? Of course I replied, “No thanks.” Which was far more courtesy than you deserved. You rolled your eyes, said “Whatever,” and then moved on to another solo diner and asked the same question. They said no, too! At that point, you went back to the counter and asked for your food to go. By the time it was ready, there were three open tables, you rude piece of shit, but you and your equally over-perfumed friend left anyway. Good riddance!

To submit an unsigned confession or accusation, send an e-mail to Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty.

Day In • Day Out returns this summer, August 12th thru 14th!
Featuring The National, Mitski, Mac DeMarco and more! Full lineup and tickets at