YOU: Cute woman with a cute dog. You're usually walking around my neighborhood, and I sometimes see you at the dog park. We smile, and I can sort of feel a connection when we talk. I was kind of hoping for a chance, but...

ME: This afternoon while walking my dog, I thought nobody was behind me as I casually started farting for each step I took (about five steps). The farts were loud and gross—and when I looked behind me, the horror in your eyes said it all. I sheepishly waved and then quickly crossed the street and boogied up a side street. If I ever had a chance, it's over now. :(