Dear ENDD and SPD:

Last Saturday I stopped to watch your do-si-do as I was walking home from dinner at Soju Anju, a Korean spot at 12th and Pine that is clinging for dear life after the pandemic, protests, CHOP, and countless clashes outside the East Precinct. You know, the kind of small, independent business that gives Capitol Hill the counterculture vibe you’re exploiting for your anarchist fantasies (ENDD) or don’t give a fuck about in the first place (SPD).

As you tore up the neighborhood for the umpteenth night this year, I shook my head. We already knew that most SPD officers live in the ‘burbs, now it turns out that ENDD’s hardcore contingent does too. Witness the recent charges against Jacob Greenberg of Kirkland and Danielle McMillan, a Woodinville realtor with an Everett address.

So if neither of you live in Seattle, much less in and around the Hill, why don’t you save yourselves the trip and find some suburban parking lot to rumble in? Then the rest of us can go back to recovering from the trauma we’ve experienced this year. We fucking live here and we don’t get to go home to some cul-de-sac after the flashbangs, Molotov cocktails, and bearcats quit for the night. If you are so radicalized that you are actually planning a mass casualty event, as security researchers fear, then do it in your own backyard for once.

Because the hard truth, ENDD, is that smashing every Starbucks and Amazon Go doesn’t make them go away as much as we all hate them too. For those deep-pocketed corporations, fixing up a few busted branches is a rounding error on their way to world domination. That Starbucks you wrecked at 12th and Columbia in July? It’s back serving shitty coffee that I wouldn’t give to my worst enemy. Meanwhile, Seattle University enrollment is down 10% because of the protests, which means local spots like Cherry Street Coffee House and Nate’s Wings and Waffles (a Black-owned business, mind you) are shuttered. Elsewhere in the neighborhood, decades-old consignment shop Take 2 also bit the dust, citing protests as a contributing factor.

Not that SPD are saints. You barely spend a dime of your six-figure salaries in the neighborhood unless it’s a deluxe at Dick’s and you mostly hold the Hill in contempt. During CHOP, the bartender at Rachel’s Ginger Beer told me she’d never seen a single SPD officer come in even though you park in the same building. I’m sick of paying for your East Precinct fucking fortress creating a dangerous blind corner on 12th and Pine. I’m disgusted at the tens of thousands of dollars of our money that you are spending to keep your Berlin Wall a clean shade of industrial gray without lifting a finger to clean up the neighborhood you’ve been trashing since June.

I know the Hill has gentrified in the last decade but it’s hardly the seat of global capitalism. For fuck’s sake, Seattle is hardly the seat of global capitalism anymore. Haven’t you heard Amazon is moving to Bellevue? If you believe the haters, Seattle is already a socialist dystopia and every publicly-traded company worth its profiteering shareholder dividends is moving across the lake as fast as the movers can carry their office furniture.

ENDD, if you want to fight capitalism and racism, then Bellevue is absolutely where you should be throwing down. That’s where rich fucks stymie any effort to address our region’s homelessness crisis while Seattle disproportionately shoulders the burden. Downtown Bellevue Park needs a mutual aid station far more than Cal Anderson, where the protests shut down Community Lunch, which has been serving the hungry longer than most of you have been alive. The luxury shops at Bellevue Square are built on land stolen from Japanese farmers who were sent to concentration camps during World War II at the behest of Bellevue’s founding father.

Conveniently, it looks like you’re heading there this weekend. I’m sure Bellevue PD will be happy to call in their buddies from SPD so they can return the favor after the all-hands-on-deck CHOP clearance. Now do us all a favor, and fucking stay there.


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