Ah, itâs that lovely time of year when Seattleâs inferiority complex rears its ugly head in the form of the ridiculously stubborn âno umbrellaâ attitude. Listen, Iâve lived in this city for almost 30 years, and I love it (I wonât say where I came from lest I trigger that inferiority complex again), but you people are such martyrs. Youâre willing to get sopping wet and miserable just to dig your heels in on this asinine stance that literally no other rainy place on earth takes.
Even the Brits keep calm and use a bloody umbrella, you twats. They also have a cute name for them: Brollies. Would it make you use one if we agreed to call them that? No, you people donât like fun, you like to be miserable, itâs your bit. Get over yourselves! Thereâs a reason umbrellas were invented! No amount of overpriced, outdoor-chic REI gear is going to keep you from looking like a fool just so you can feel superior to the "weaklingsâ using umbrellas (read: people who donât have insecurity issues).
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