Tommy Lee
w/Flying Tigers and Headstrong
Tues June 25
Showbox, $25

Despite the accusations of domestic violence and his weird rap-rock phase with Methods of Mayhem, Tommy Lee is still one of rock's all-time great percussionists and one of the foxiest men alive--so I was thrilled to snag a few minutes to chat with him about David Bowie, sex with food, and soul-melding with Dave Grohl. I feared that the well-endowed former Mötley Crüe drummer-- who's now touring in support of his new record, Never a Dull Moment--might not be receptive to questions about his famous genitalia, but boy, was I wrong.

Has David Bowie given you any feedback on the cover of "Fame" on your new record?

I know he heard it because we were rehearsing next door to each other in New York, but we kept missing each other. I don't know what he thought of it--but I'm sure he dug it. How could you not? It sounds awesome!

Who are some contemporary drummers that you respect? Who among your peers do you admire?

Gosh--you mean from guys now?

Mm-hmm. If I didn't say "now," you'd just say [Led Zeppelin's] John Bonham.

Yeah, exactly! Man. Well, my drummer I have now, Wil Hunt, is a badass. Vinnie Paul from Pantera is great.... Shit! Who else?

It seems like you and Dave Grohl have some stuff in common, in terms how hard you hit--

Yeah! Dave Grohl, definitely. I feel like he and I share more than anyone on this planet together, just because of what we're both doing. We're singers, songwriters, guitar players, drummers, producers... I've talked to him a few times about it. We really share a lot in common--being drummers in very successful bands and then trying to start something new on our own. Sometimes I feel like I'm joined at the hip with that guy.

So Vince [Neil] has a story in The Dirt [Mötley Crüe's autobiography] about you guys sticking your dicks in egg burritos to "cover up the smell of pussy so that our girlfriends didn't know we were fucking anything stupid or drunk enough to get into Tommy's van." Is there any validity to this anecdote?

It is true--it wasn't me, though--it was Nikki [Sixx]'s idea. I remember watching him stick his dick in this egg burrito and thinking, hey, if a chick goes down on you, she's gonna be like, "Dude, why does your dick smell like eggs?"

Yeah--and if there was guacamole on there, she'd be like, "Dude, you've got green shit on your dick." It might scare a girl off...

I know! It's all bad--I never understood why he did that. It does cover up the female scent, but then you're left with egg-burrito dick. That Nikki's a kooky motherfucker.

So has Cynthia Plaster Caster gotten her hands on you yet?


Cynthia Plaster Caster--you don't know who she is?


She's this famous groupie/artist chick who goes around making plaster casts of rock stars' penises.

No way!!

Yeah, she's notorious; KISS wrote a song about her. She's done everyone--Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page... I think you'd be a highly eligible subject.

[Laughs uproariously.] Yeah, I guess it's a little bizarre that we haven't met. Ah, but have no fear! A buddy of mine bought my girlfriend a "make your own dildo" kit for my birthday.

Excuse me?

Yeah, it copies your dick and makes a soft rubber look-alike.

So how did you make it?

You heat up this rubber compound, mix in a few other powders, put it in a tall drinking cup, and stick your dick in it. You leave it in there for about three minutes, pull it out, and then you have the mold. Then you pour in the soft rubber stuff, let it sit overnight, pop it out in the morning, and you're good to go!

Wow. Has she used it yet?

Uh, yeah--when I'm not around. It's the next best thing, I guess.