I'm going to be very honest here: When I signed up to join all the would-be "mateys" watching Hint Hint play on a booze cruise last Friday night, I did it all for the comedy. I've been on at least 10 booze cruises over the years, and the only thing funnier than watching people strain to gain their sea legs and fail tragically, is to watch them hang over the railing while puking up hors d'oeuvres and brightly colored cocktails. Case in point: Don't ask me how I got there, because I was drunk hours before I boarded (I think I was the guest of some guy who'd edited the video for Built to Spill's "In the Morning"), but I found myself on a booze cruise in 1995 that included several actors and directors as guests. Just as I finished spilling my guts over the railing, I raised up and found myself face to face with Spike Lee, who'd been trapped next to me the whole time and was now looking at me like I was either the stupidest girl on the boat, or the funniest. I'm not an instant barfer; I know at least a minute before the gut-launch that the "event" is going to take place. So I'd most likely been zigging and zagging across the deck, heading blindly toward one of the most gifted filmmakers in the world (who was taking in the beautiful sunset or something) before I hung most of my torso over the railing and hurled oh so unladylike into the drink below. But having the drunk's presence of mind to hold my glass of champagne upright and to the side, arm stretched out and slightly backward, I'd pinned Lee to the spot until I was finished. So like I said, the stupidest or the funniest. Whichever it was, I distinctly remember his smirk.
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So back to last Friday's booze cruise. It was on a much smaller boat than I'd experienced in similar situations, and smaller means less-secure footing and, hopefully, more seasickness. But noooooooo. Oh there was plenty of snicker-worthy staggering, but because I managed to mess up my vestibular jobbie after knocking myself cuckoo a few months ago, no one staggered more ridiculously than I--check out Hitchcock's Rich and Strange for a visual--and I'm pretty sure no one else managed to throw up three times (thank you to Hint Hint's Miss Leona Marrs for helping a gal out in the ladies' room). If so (you poor bird), I found the perfect accessory for the next booze cruise at www.chuckiebags.com. Those Brits are so discreet.
Thanks to the 30 mg of Valium I took before leaving the house, I met a lot of people I wouldn't normally talk to--shy, you know. That includes Tablet's Dan Halligan, who has always scared the shit out of me, Ken from Dirtnap, and Nick the MC. And by the end of the show there were lots of people lying on the floor trying not to blow, so comedy did happen after all.
