Wake up and smell the hiphop. Whatever image or olfactory signature the phrase conjures for you, you know goddamn well that you've seen those shirts everywhere—more than likely a few times on the backs of the guys who made them, Misters Ryan on a Mission and his evil twin (j/k) Doug, local promoters/managers/good-dudes extraordinaire. Such good dudes, in fact, that for their 30th birthday party they're throwing a FREE show (February 19 at Chop Suey) with heavyweights such as Billy the Fridge, Jay Barz, Cancer Rising, and DJ Marc Sense. If, however, you're looking for something off the hill that night, the funk-loving OhmegaWatts, and DJs 100Proof (myspace.com/dj100proof for the boomfiya free mixtapes) and Swervewon are doing Basement Party that same night at Nectar, where you can also expect a great time.

If I recall correctly, the last time I saw Kool Keith, he had on a tie and was throwing fried chicken at me—and while that was undeniably awesome, it was one of the last times I really cared about the guy. Now listen: I love, respect, and esteem Keith Thornton as a true hiphop innovator/originator, but honestly, the unwashed, neckbearded legions of KK fans (not to mention his rather lackluster post-millennial output) have dissuaded me from hitting one of his shows for the better part of a decade. But for some reason, I'm feeling that itch for his brand of awesome one mo'gin, so I'ma be at Neumos on February 20 to see him, the Let Go, and one of Seattle's most bizarre/incredible individuals, the incomparable Murder Dice. Dice's hook on "Wu-Tang Breath" off of Sol's album The Ride (get at that) convinced me that he and Sonny Bonoho should just cut the shit and form a Beyond Thunderdome R&B supergroup. FYI, I will not be making any Chris Brown jokes at this time.

While my mind is on some out-the-box shit, I just peeped the excellent, and very kid-friendly, video for "Count It Off" by the Saturday Knights; the Sesame Street–inspired clip got me trying to think of some local hiphop that your kid could get into. Okay, let's be real—your kid likes all the same rap about clubbing and substance abuse (and perhaps even more, all its attendant dances... the fuck is a "Stanky Leg"?) that you claim to abhor. But maybe you'd like something more wholesome/weird to feed 'em? How about a rap album all about animals and shit, fool? I just came upon Lost Zoo Keys and the Animal Spirits That Haunt Them, the 2007 album by Cleveland transplant Filkoe176. Yeah it's kinda old, but I gives not a damn; for some unmistakably superindie nerd-rap obscura, I was delighted by dude's sprightly raps about the duck-billed platypus, three-toed sloth, etc. Kool Keith would love it. Look, by this point, you already know if you would dig it, so do the math if you do—otherwise don't bother me. Sideways.