The first party I was scheduled to crash had been canceled, so I opted instead for an event at the Columbia Tower Club dedicated to the success (over one million copies sold) of the adult card game Sex! by Kheper Games. This swanky venue is members-only and required a disorienting ascent up 75 floors into the Seattle skyline.

Upon my arrival, club personnel immediately told me: "You need some sex!" My drink options, Sex L'Orange and Chocolate Sex, both involved Bakon Vodka. The innovators behind the savory alcohol insisted that I try some straight, without the influence of orange or chocolate liqueur, and one crouched on the floor to pour me a hearty shot away from the prying eyes of other partyers. They described their risky initial investment in 350 gallons of vodka and their plans to bring their failed wares to friends' parties for decades to come if the venture turned out to be unsuccessful. The first batch sold out in three weeks.

This party was elegant and flashy, filled with corporate types who were mostly friends of Chris and Brian, the CEOs of Kheper Games. Their vivacious, London-born lawyer met them randomly while on holiday playing their game Who's the Biggest Pervert? Another guest met the duo during "a drunken blur of Saturday nights," observing, "Most of us [at the party] are Microsofties." The evening was winding down just before midnight as a highly intoxicated and spittley socialite decided to tell me who's who at the party. I left our brief conversation well informed and drenched.

Want The Stranger to enjoy the tantalizing mixture of sex and pigs at your house party? Send the date, place, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.