If my hair gets any longer, I'm gonna have to get it cut.
Dec 27, 6:44 pm
I hope that one day I will harness the talent and willpower necessary to become everything I hate.
Dec 28, 12:00 am
Does anyone else feel an overwhelming sense of tenderness when Iggy sings, "I'll stick it deep inside" in "Loose"?
Dec 28, 7:59 pm
The search for an energy drink that doesn't taste like a failed high-school chemistry-class experiment continues.
Dec 30, 11:19 am
Whenever I hear the word "humbucker," I imagine it's some arcane sex act done mainly in the American South.
Dec 30, 12:37 pm
These "Grow your business" ads are a welcome change from the "Enlarge your penis" ones.
Dec 30, 1:35 pm
My friend got angry when I suggested Funkadelic's "Hit It and Quit It" be played at his wedding.
Dec 30, 5:15 pm
I can't believe there's not a group called Floozy Calculus yet.
Jan 1, 3:11 pm
I just accepted a FB friend request from a total stranger based solely because he likes Black Dice. I'm easy that way.
Jan 1, 3:27 pm
Jesus fucking Christ, I forgot that Jan 1 is the most popular day of the year to do laundry.
Jan 1, 7:46 pm
So are we going to finalize this sexual encounter or what?
Jan 3, 9:19 pm
I could listen to Spaceape recite the fine print of my renter's insurance policy and still be riveted.
Jan 4, 2:06 pm
Fucking someone who's wearing your high-school track hoodie is pretty damn weird.
Jan 4, 11:34 pm
It's time we called that summit meeting of our loins to order.
Jan 5, 1:19 am
The world could be in apocalyptic meltdown, but there'd still be some fucker doing Elvis impersonations in the ruins.
Jan 5, 2:29 pm
Follow Dave Segal's tweets at twitter.com/editaurus.