SATURDAY 1/29

THE TOMLIN

Earlier this week, I kicked off Central Cinema's Favorites series by hosting the fat-tire-bike-hunting thriller that is Pee-wee's Big Adventure. But! To fess up to the God's honest truth or whatever? My realz and fer true favorite movie is a complicated five-way tie between, yes, Pee-Wee, of course (as if I'd lie about such a thing), then 9 to 5, The Incredible Shrinking Woman, All of Me, and that fabulous Xmess X-Files episode when Skully and Mulder are trapped in a haunted house with a homicidal ghost couple, which technically isn't a movie at all really, but HUSH UP! I'm talking. And what do most of these have in common (barring, of course, Pee-Wee)? Precisely! One of the greatest and gayest talents of our age: the inimitable Lily Tomlin. Lily is the sparkle in my eyeballs, the crème in my de menthe, the stars in my slippers, the song in my little black heart. She's like a big lezbo Lucy with a social conscience, and she's here tonight for a rare and precious live show. Miss it, and regret it FOREVER. 5th Avenue Theatre, 8 pm, $30–$83, all ages.

SLAP 'EM!

Dear Washington State Liquor Control Board: PISS OFF! We are SICK of your silly, useless BULLSHIT. We've had our fill of you, you useless, nannystating manbitches! Are you listening?! Wasting our precious time and tax monies with your petty persecutions. ENOUGH! BACK. THE FUCK. UP. Dear Everybody Else: You are so SICK of the WSLCB's silly, useless BULLSHIT. Right? So get your drunk on, get your junk out, and send the WSLCB fools the message with the latest installment of DICKSLAP: The Eagle vs. the WSLCB—the funnest, naughtiest protest party ever. After you're done loving all over Lily Tomlin, come out and wag your penis for civic change! With your DJs Teabag, Visible Pubic Hair, and Asscrack, and a special performance by Wiggy Stardust. "It's time to cut the rotting umbilical cord and grow this city up." Amen, sistermister. The Eagle, 9 pm, $5, 21+.