LICK HERE, LICK THERE
Shhhhh! Hunker on down and hearken ye this (HUNKER and HEARKEN, I tell you!): There is a fabulous new thing about to really happen—well, a place to be exact, not a thing. A place where exquisite new things are really going to happen, so, HA! I win. Even its name is totes a huge big secret at this juncture, so of course it's called "Fred." FRED! (Shhh.) It lives across from Captain Blacks, it's designed to nourish your most glamorous perversions, and we're not talking about it anymore till next week because, SHUT UP, I'm such a fucking tease. (That's why!) Also because we're talking instead about something else: something tongue-ier.
Five years ago, two talented and motivated capital Q Queerz called DJ Dewey Decimal (Amber Slaven) and DJ Mathematix (Adrien Leavitt) invented Lick!. If you've never been, it's like Comeback with a heavy emphasis on trannies and dykes, and if you've never been to Comeback—WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO COMEBACK? And this Lick! is very special indeed, for, as Mathematix tells me, "This Lick! is a big queer send-off to Put This on the {Map}. They're going on their nationwide tour to reteach gender and sexuality. It's an amazing project." Chop Suey, 9:30 pm, $5, 21+.
RUPAUL IN THE 916
Oh, 916 East Pike Street! Cursed ground! Most blasted heath! Haunted still by the wretched shades of the Easy and Spintron and Ego and Sugar and King Cobra and HOLD ME! I'm scared. THEY WILL HAVE THEIR REVENGE! However! Supernatural terror at the frosty fingers of long-dead gay bars notwithstanding, I've decided that the Lobby is a very nice place indeed. I KNOW I HAVEN'T BEEN VERY NICE TO IT IN THE PAST! I've said terrible things! (Something about Queer as Folk reruns and overflaunted fauxhawks. Google that shit.) I'll not deny it! But would you PLEASE let me FINISH? Okay: The Lobby is a very nice place to watch RuPaul's Drag Race, which is something your silly 'mobrainz are rather fond of, I hear. It's only once a week, and you'll be protected by superhostess Glamazonia, so what's the harm? Say your prayers. Carry salt. Overflaunt that fauxhawk! Do it for RuPaul! The Lobby, 8 pm, free, 21+.
This article has been updated since its original publication.
