COMPETITIVE EROTIC FAN FICTION

Finally, an event that bridges the historic gap between comedians and the humorless, obsessive devotees of erotic fan fiction! Here, comedian Bryan Cook explains why this weird and wonderful event—which showcases comedians writing and reciting erotic fan fiction that touches them on a deeply personal level—exists.

First: Why, God, why?

I stole the idea from comedian Travis Vogt. He'd written a piece of Cars erotic fan-fic specifically to point out how ridiculous the film Cars was. It went over really, really well.

Tell me how this is going to work.

Three comedians will be reading pieces they've written—on their own topic—for about six minutes each. Meanwhile, three other comedians will be offstage writing their own erotic fan-fic based on audience suggestions. Then those people will get up and read for about three minutes each. In between, we'll have comedy and maybe some short, funny films.

Any previews?

I would expect everything from Charlotte's Web and The Muppets to Little House on the Prairie and The Picture of Dorian Gray.

Why limit it to only comedians? Why not invite real erotic fan fiction writers to join you, as their pan-faced sincerity is both creepy and incredibly hilarious?

That's something I'm trying to work on, but I haven't figured out exactly how I want to do it. Maybe through online submissions. The point is that the people I'm inviting to do the show are performers who are all good onstage.

Have you written any erotic fan-fic?

Yes. It involves the Golden Girls.

Please share.

"Dorothy collapsed into an overstuffed easy chair and began fanning herself with a copy of AARP magazine. She almost subconsciously slipped off her sodden bloomers, closed her eyes, and allowed the oscillating fan to air-dry her moist crevasse.

"'Ahhh, that's the stuff,' she sighed, and almost immediately realized she was quivering downstairs.

"'Oh, hello, old friend,' she quipped, and began gingerly peeling apart her labia like two dried apricots left in the sun..."

Rendezvous Jewelbox Theater, 7:30 pm, $7, 21+.