TRANNY NEW YEAR!

It's, like, New Year's. Like, AGAIN. HOW. CAN. THIS. BE? (We just had one of these things, correct? Am I crazy? You'd tell me if I was crazy, right? Hell's bells!)

All right, I'll be quite frank: The death of 2012 is going to leave a bigger, blacker hole in my soul than all the big black holes already in residence. It's so sad! With all due respect and apologies to folks who were hit by tsunamis and hurricanes and such, I'm quite sad to see 2012 go. What a year! All the weed and gay marriage and Obama all over the place—holy moly. It's going to be murder to top. Sniffle.

But even so! We must do as we brave 'mos have always done: rip off the Band-Aid, sprinkle on some glitter, and dive right the fuck in. And for your 2013 ringing-in pleasures there are, as you might expect, infinity fucking options. So many options! Way too many! Every shadowy hole with a liquor license is going to be going off like hell's hardest-working fire alarm, and there are parties from pillar to bedpost. However! As far as we wee 'mos are concerned, there is nowhere to be and nothing to do that is not THIS: the Hey Tranny It's Tranny vs. Party Schmarty NYE Bash!

Now relax. I am just going to say some words at you, and you just let them sink in: Alaska Thunderfuck. Jinkx Monsoon. (Both on the next RuPaul's Drag Race, you know.) THE INTELLIGENCE. (Stranger Genius Award winners, you know.) Ben DeLaCreme. (A genius and a winner, you know.) Jackie Hell. (Well! You know.) ARTSTAR, Kitten LaRue, Cherdonna Shinatra, and DJ Nark! (Enough said.) Each and every one of these astounding people and/or things will be playing/performing/hosting, depending. There are VIP ticket options available if you wanna hang all close and personal with the cool kids, and rumors of corn dogs. But one thing is for damn sure: Whatever this strange and scary "2013" thing has in mind, this dizzy drunken dancey mess is the only way to give birth to it. Neumos, 8 pm, $22/$38 VIP, 21+.