Relax! Firstly, I can assure you that absolutely no drag queens are in any way affiliated with this week's Homosexual Agenda. Secondly, SUPER PSYCH! This is the first of a long string of terrible lies that I am probably just about to tell you. Besides, I'm uncertain at this juncture if going drag-queen-free is even possible—queens are like flippin' tribbles around here (to use a phrase coined by Mama Tits—AN EFFING DRAG QUEEN). So, in that spirit, let's check in with DonnaTella Howe, shall we? She was just lately Miss Gay Seattle, you know, and she is cohostessing the newest in a line of very gay nights at the Baltic Room, called Revolution. About it, she says, "Thursday is the new Friday! Revolution is keeping the Thursday-night Baltic Room tradition going, focusing on drinking and dancing and starting the weekend off right. Tony Burns is our resident DJ, and we are keeping the focus on Top 40, pop, hiphop, mashups, and remixes. Being the hostesses, Olivia LaGarce and I do enjoy performing, but we also want to showcase all of the fabulous queens, kings, burlesque, and other acts that are out there to amaze. Coming up later is our Pokémon unofficial PAX pre-party, and we are aiming to have one hell of a Halloween month (it's Olivia's favorite)! We want everyone to come have fun with us!" Baltic Room, 10 pm, free, 21+.



Speaking of no drag queens whatsoever, we come now to the new grand pooh-bah of bearded-lady hoedowns: TUCK, the drag-drenched dance party where YOU get to be the queen! It's simple—just show the fuck up. (It would be nice if you knew/dressed the theme, however, for best results: This month's theme is Tuck Goes to Hollywood). Drag artists will perform for you, dance with you, tickle your fancy, and gussy up your face with real cosmetics to make you a purdy gurl, mama. It features almost every queen worth featuring (lately becoming known as the Queens of Tuck), and has quickly added itself to the top of my Highly Recommended and Favoritest Geigh Things™ list. But please to note! Shadowy informants assure us that there will still be no Jinkx Monsoon at this installment of TUCK, as her show The Vaudevillians has been extended through October. Hottest off-Broadway ticket in NYC, they say. (Jesus!) But this won't stop you. Right? Chop Suey, 10 pm, $10/$8 in drag, 21+.