Ding, ding, ding! In the Big Gay Battle for Thursday night, there has emerged a clear and fagabulous winner, and it is Sugar Beat at the Baltic Room. You haven't been yet? Well, sister mister (smister?), you're the only one: That place gets as packed as Elton John's fudge. A drunken, twirling haven for drag artistes old and new, pretty rubberneckers, and the consummately dancey, it has grown to be one of my favorite nights, exclamation point. The evening is graced by the beauty and talents of hostess Isaac Scott (who fled Neighbours' Thursday night just to do it), and one can always expect to encounter a few Markoses, a handful of Howes, and the magic of James Majesty—there are more Drag Hauses represented than you can shake a mascara wand at. Add to this the astronomical cost of NO COVER (when you like Sugar Beat on Facebook) and the delicious discoings of DJ Brett Law, and I mean really—who cares if you have to get up at dawn's rosy ass crack the next morning? Drink, dance, drink, love, live, gurl... LIVE! (And drink.) Baltic Room, 9 pm, $3, 21+.



It is my firm and immutable policy to never miss a Brown Derby—the whimsical romps through hilarious lands of pure madness joy (also fart jokes) that they are. It's really quite depressing that they are so few and far between, it's true, but our throbbing hunger for it ends at last! Ian Bell and his balls-out-crazy crew are bringing us their brachiosaurus-iest, Jeff Goldblum–iest offering to date: Jurassic Park! Yes, there will be Freddy Molitich and Todd LaTodd (Seattle's version of James St. James) and Scott Shoemaker like always, but Kimberly Nyhous and dreamy Jason Sharp are joining this time, too, so it's sure to be super extra talent-packed. Three nights only! Re-bar, 8 pm, $20 adv/$25 DOS, 21+, May 14–16.



Time flies when you're a big freaky fairy. Can you believe our baby, Cathedral at Kremwerk, is a whole year old already? Tonight is the anniversary party! It seems like only yesterday that... well, everything seems like only yesterday. I drink a little. (I've only just barely learned to spell "Kremwerk" correctly!) Seattle's "it gurl" queen Cucci Binaca will be all up in the event, as will our friend Amoania, and they are bringing a curious San Francisco performance artist called Dia Dear to dazzle your eyeballs too. Resident DJs Roy G Biv and Ozma Otacava presiding. Kremwerk, 9 pm, $5, 21+. recommended