Maybe two years ago, a couple friends met me at a bar after seeing
the Sword play some local joint. “More like the Butterknife,” quipped
my drunk and getting drunker
friend. That may not be the most erudite criticism of the Austin
band, but I can’t disagree with the sentiment.
To criticize the Sword is to wade into the murky bong-water depths
of debate about what is “true” and “false” stoner/doom metal. This kind
of parsing can seem elitist and pedantic, but it’s not without its
merits. It’s not fair to criticize a band solely for their popularity,
but it is necessary to slam an awful band that has ridden to acclaim on
the backs of dozens of superior, under-appreciated musicians.
After only two records, the Sword have gained a massive mainstream
fan base by shamelessly cribbing High on Fire, Sleep, Kyuss, Orange
Goblin, Pentagram, Electric Wizard, Saint Vitus, Acid King—I
could go on. For a while. Nothing in their half-assed pastiche
resembles an original thought or riff. There has been a near-constant
output of stoner/doom metal for the last 40 years, but aside from genre
godfathers Black Sabbath, the Sword are singular in their popularity.
Why?
The band are a caricature of metal. Remember that movie The
Gate where Stephen Dorff listens to satanic band Sacrifyx and then
conjures really bad special effects from a hole in his backyard (which
he then banishes with a Bible)? Whatever studio head dreamed up
Sacrifyx may have been behind the inception of the Sword, a
family-friendly foray into a previously unexploited niche. Seriously,
when your label-
mates are the kind of indie-rock bands that tour
with Hot Hot Heat, it’s hard to believe metal is your first
priority.
Also, the canard that the Sword will introduce kids to other, better
stoner bands is ridiculous. You don’t have to mail away for a band’s
demo or loot your brother’s CD tower anymore—just Google “stoner
metal,” and you’ll be linked to hundreds of better bands without
suffering through whatever bullshit Dungeons & Dragons references
the Sword wants to swing in your direction.
If these dudes were opening a poorly attended bar show on a
Wednesday, I’d probably think they were fine. But that their wholly
unoriginal sound and their boring, unimpressive playing has won the
ears of hundreds of thousands is just sad. There is one bright spot,
though: Their big break is opening for the pathetic shells of
Metallica. These old, greedy has-beens threw metal in the well years
ago to make a couple (million) bucks. “The Butterknife” are a worthy
heir to their busted throne. 