Last week, I printed my responses to a music questionnaire sent to me by a Seattle video documentary company. The title of their project: “How to Get Ahead in the Music Industry.” I’ve since changed my mind about my answers. Here is the revised version.

How do you affiliate yourself with the music community?

I don’t. I’m separate. I have no interest in the notion of “cool,” and no interest in getting on the mailing list for the new Beck album. Cool, to me, is hearing a new act unawares for the first time. (For example, both Seattle’s Groceries and Rusty Willoughby’s demos comfort me and warm me and bewitch me with their charming melodies, which linger in my heart long after lesser, more feted acts have passed by the wayside.)

I’m a craftsman whose craft just happens to be writing about people who are usually a lot less talented than me. All I’m interested in is whether music engenders any sort of emotion within me, or if it leaves me dry. Does it force me to dance? Does it force me to think? Does it force me to cry? I guess you could call me a critic… I’m certainly pretentious enough on occasion.

When did you first decide to become actively involved with music? For how
long?

See above. I never had the choice. I started writing for another person’s fanzine in 1982 after impressing him with my dancing skills. At the time I was angry at the amount of dull music being produced by both “alternative” and “major” record labels. I wanted to do something about it. I still do. I loved music ferociously, with a passion–and wanted to share that enthusiasm. I still do. (For example, have you heard the new Looper CD on Sub Pop?–lo-fi, childish hiphop created by the Belle & Sebastian bassist. It’s like a treehouse party, Calvin & Hobbes set to a sequenced beat, ice cream on a warm, sticky day.)

There was never a conscious decision to become actively involved with music. I do this because I’m driven to, ultimately. I could make a lot more money writing advertising copy on the Internet. And yes, I do have the choice–unlike most of my peers. I have been through the corporate mill and back. I could still be there.

In what way do you or your organization contribute to the NW music industry?

We’re its soul.

In your opinion, what are the largest misconceptions about the music industry?

That… no, that question is too large. You need to define your terms before I can answer your question. Would you say that me playing Tom Waits songs badly on the piano to just my girlfriend is part of the music industry? Bands playing live to their friends, with no aspirations to ever move on from that, as part of the music industry? Are K records part of the music industry? Beck? Marilyn Manson? What I do at The Stranger, is that part of the music industry? Parameters are never clearly defined like in the textbooks…. Actually, I will answer this question. The biggest misconception? That bands should have “careers,” that most musicians have any ideas.

Are you able to survive financially from the creation and/or your career
in the music industry?

Right now, yes. Barely. In the past, certainly. As the U.K.’s leading rock critic in the ’90s, I was almost certainly earning more than 95 percent of the acts I interviewed. There again, I was never that interested in the bands who’d been around for a while….

What advice would you give to the aspiring musician seeking success?

Just fuck right off. I fucking hate aspiring musicians seeking success. Scum.

P.S.: Last week, I received an e-mail from one of The Stranger’s dance correspondents crowing about what a great time she’d had down at ARO.space when Richie Hawtin rocked the house, and everyone was foot-sore from the dancing. Fuck, I missed out big-time! Techno done with spirit, I love. Where was I? Being an asshole, arguing about Billie Holiday–of all people–at the Breakroom, while a couple of Thrill Jockey bands behaved very politely and inoffensively onstage. Was that a saxophonist? A trumpeter? Drone rock? Tortoise? I’d have hated myself for being there, except I couldn’t raise the energy. The main band was called Chicago Underground Duo–perhaps the support was too. It was hard to say.

Email Everett at everett

Hugs &Kisses Top 5

The following songs and descriptions are all taken from Gillian G. Gaar’s I Am a Doormat: Songs of Female Masochism tape. Cheers!

1. LESLEY GORES “That’s The Way Boys Are”

Our Lesley hits on a number of Doormat themes here. Her guy ogles other women,
is argumentative, and, more ominously, “treats me rough.” But she stays ’cause
she knows he loves her… How, she doesn’t say.

2. THE CHORDETTES “A Girl’s Work is Never Done”

One notable thing about many Doormat songs is how darn chipper they are. This
is certainly the perkiest song about housework ever written!

3. THE SHANGRI-LAS “(Remember) Walkin in the Sand”

Boy meets girl, he leaves, then dumps her for someone else. Okay, she’ll be
upset about that, fair enough. But she hadn’t even seen “him” for two years
“or so” anyway… .

4. RUTH BROWN “(Mama) He Treats Your Daughter Mean”

“He” rips her off, isn’t trustworthy, “makes me so disgusted,” is lazy, isn’t
satisfied by her sexual attentions, none of her friends like him, and, oh yeah,
he treats her mean. And she’s with him because…?

5. THE CRYSTALS “He Hit Me (and It Felt Like a Kiss)”

The title says it all, doesn’t it? In fairness, the Crystals themselves hated
this number.