I haven’t square-danced in roughly 15 years, but with dance moves
with names like Duck for the Oyster and Dig for the Clam,
along with the ever-present possibility for serious body entanglement,
I have no idea why not. The Tallboys lead this party, located in
a wood-art and painting studio that looks like a 4-H club with the
haystacks set around the room. While the music is just what you’d
expect—do-si-do, promenade, and so forth—the
dancers, a few drinks in, lack the smooth synchronicity you see when
folks square-dance in the movies.
People are dressed to the nines to celebrate the host’s
half-birthday. Revelers in cowboy boots (one pair notably python
skinned), plaid, Carhartts, and overalls mix with those who either
didn’t read the invite or didn’t have country-themed attire just lying
around. One woman wears a set of sharpshooting medals pinned to her
dress; I compliment her skill, although as it turns out, she’s never
even held a gun. She’s just a huge fan of Annie Oakley.
While the Tallboys play their final song, their frontwoman, who’s
been singing as well as calling dances, has everyone hold hands and
then leads them on the biggest crack-the-whip I’ve ever seen.
With street food setting up outside and a fresh load of PBR (and,
for some reason, Smirnoff Ice) arrived, the party doesn’t seem set
to end anytime soon. And neither does the enthusiasm for this
oft-derided dance. 
Want The Stranger to demonstrate our wonderful ability to
hold drinks without spilling them on expensive art at your next
house party? E-mail the date, place, and party details to
partycrasher@thestranger.com.