The prerequisite for entrance into this week’s “Super Formal
Quadruple Birthday Art Show Shit Fest” is an original artwork done
in MS Paint e-mailed to the host, who will print and hang the pieces
around the apartment. With award categories like “Shittiest/Worst” and
“Most Disgusting” you can pretty much assume there’s going to be some
crude humor, but deciding how far to take it yourself is tricky. The
last thing you want is to walk into a room full of nicely dressed
strangers and have them whisper to each other, “There’s that pervert
from the paper who drew all that sick shit.” Upon entering the
apartment, the first picture visible depicts a poopy titty fuck,
titled “Biggie Smalls Chili Dog.” My entry is much tamer than it needed
to be.
There’s all sorts of nice alcohol. (The invite reads, “Bring booze.
Classy booze, if you can. I will stab your uterus and/or urethra if you bring Joose to this party.”) There’s also a cake with candy
letters reading “Happy Birthday You Fat Whores!” Birthday girl Jill
keeps trying to hand me questionable drinks, like a huge gin and tonic
with half a bottle of green food coloring in it. I drink it, and
the next day my poop is very green. There’s an awards
ceremony—the first-place prize is a tie between a picture of a
girl blowing bubbles out of her vagina and a colorful piece titled
The Prolapsed Rectum of Venus. Its artist, Teresa, states
in her acceptance speech that she was inspired by “pink socks
everywhere.”
Want to try and feed The Stranger cat-food bruschetta at your party? E-mail the date, place, time, and party
details to
partycrasher@thestranger.com.