I don’t have a prejudice against Bellevue; it’s a legitimately
earned bias. Those who grew up there and defected find it hard to want
to go back. But the invitation to Markus’s 40th birthday bash had
several tempting elements—firstly, he just authored a book on
how to throw the Best Party Ever, so theoretically he should know
what he’s doing. Secondly, he promises that if I cover his party in my
column, he will quote me on the back of his book. To Bellevue!
It would seem that the first step in throwing the “Best Party Ever”
would be to have a lot of money, and to be unafraid of spending it.
A huge house, a flood of nice booze, catered food, a pinball
machine, a hardwood dance floor with disco-lighting rig and smoke
machine, a hot tub—though not essential to throwing a great
party, these elements do pretty much guarantee that good things are
going to happen. Mark promises the night will get naughty in the wee
hours; he promises naked people. After the dance floor has been
properly hit and the bar has been merely dented, clothes start coming
off. Mark was not exaggerating—he throws a mean party. If
following his advice leads to a liquored-up dance party and a hot tub
full of naked people, you would be foolish not to take heed.
Congratulations, Bellevue. Parts of you are still fighting for life.
JEFF KIRBY
Want to explain to The Stranger that “if this were a real
swinger party, people would be doing it doggy-style outside of the hot
tub” at your next rager? E-mail the date, place, time, and party
details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.