In connection to a wave of vandalism! Hearts have been broken, homes wrecked,
and good sense hijacked by this trio of rock and roll upstarts known as Cadallaca.
Their debut album on K Records, Introducing Cadallaca, surprised the indie
world last year with its sass and mystery. With songs worthy of Dusty Springfield
and Jackie DeShannon, these rowdy feminists provide a new take on the beehive
era. No Svengalis or Brill Building hitmeisters here! These girls take all the
credit for the spells they cast–and justifiably so! Each is a member in one or
more top-quality Northwest bands, earning their laurels in Sleater-Kinney, the
Crabs, and the Lookers. But, truth be told, these girls only feel free to stretch
out like the languid felines they are in Cadallaca. Who are the criminal masterminds
behind this stunning array of pop tunes? Take a look at these mug shots and see
if you recognize any of these noted femmes fatales.
Junior
Aliases: Shana D, sts, Joyce Carol Oates
Known Accomplices: The Lookers, YMCA day campers, the Janet Reno
Fan Club
Hobbies: Researching the history of the lesbian ambulance drivers of
the Spanish Civil War, sport dueling Known Scars and Tattoos: Several,
due to aforementioned hobby. All disguised as piercings.
Wanted For: Bashing out the shimmy-shimmy rhythms and holding down the
boss beats. Known to mesmerize crowds with her commanding presence behind the
drum kit. Is reported to make unsuspecting audience members do hand-claps against
their will.
Dusty
Aliases: Sarah Dougher, Doughs, Little Jackie Paper
Known Accomplices: The Crabs, the Portland chapter of Mensa
Hobbies: Calculating the national debt, windsurfing
Favorite Food: Baked Alaska (Warm on the outside, ice cold center)
Wanted For: Inflicting trauma on innocent Farfisa organs with her beat-crazed
wantonness.
Kissy
Aliases: Corin Tucker, Totally Tucker, Coco Rubinstein
Known Accomplices: Sleater-Kinney, the cast of Friends
Hobbies: Knitting mittens for inmates, Tae-Bo
Wanted For: Breaking hearts with her girl-group interpretations in Cadallaca.
Songwriter of their certified hit, “June-n-July,” Kissy makes this battlefield
story of gallant twins a glorious testimonial to grrl honor. Be warned! Her singing
has been known to induce fainting and tremors.
If you have any information leading to the arrest and conviction of these
brazen females, come to their show and confront them with your feelings. The
best offense is a good defense.