My first time was unforgettable.

I circled the block for an hour, heart pounding, stomach fluttering, trying to summon the courage to enter my hometown's only gay bar. When a fairly large group of fairly large women approached the door, I took a big gulp of air and joined their ranks, hoping to go unnoticed. I stood behind them, underage and unbearably nervous, my hair glued in a perfect wedge, my fake I.D. all but dissolving in my sweaty palm.

The doorman gave my ersatz driver's license a quick glance and waved me through the door. Before I knew it, I was in my first gay bar! The only queer-friendly watering hole in my small hometown was, ironically, AmVets--the American Veteran's Club (don't tell!). AmVets was a skanky unheated dungeon that smelled like a cat box. But to my inexperienced and desperately horny adolescent eyes, it seemed like the Rainbow Room at Rockefeller Center.

I searched the room for other gay men. Strangely, I only spied dykes. Consulting a poster taped to the wall, I discovered that I had arrived on "ladies' night." Damn! I wound up spending the evening being good-naturedly mother-henned by Doris, a harder-than-nails, dyed-in-the-wool dyke who advised me to always use condoms and not become "too much of a fairy."

Dejected, I wandered home and went to bed, alone. If only I had known it was Wimmin's Night! If only I had someone to guide me, a knowledgeable mentor, when I was taking my first baby steps into the world of queer clubbing, been given some tips by an experienced gay clubber, someone who could have clued me in and persuaded me not to glue my hair into a wedge!

When I moved to Seattle a few years later, things became much simpler. Liberated from that nasty little basement bar, I had a whole playground of gay and mostly gay cafes, bookstores, theaters, and most importantly, clubs to explore. Finding queer company in Seattle was as easy as stepping outside and following the scent of men's cologne--at first. Nowadays, confusion reigns: new clubs are opening, others are threatening to open, and still more are going down in flames (Safari being the most recent club to bite the dust). Seattle's would-be gay clubbers are faced with something they never had to deal with--options. So these days, a guide to Seattle's queer nightlife is essential, even for experienced gay socialites.

Between cover charges, cocktails, and visits to my therapist, I simply didn't have the resources to visit every last club in town. As incomplete as it may be, this guide took over three weeks of manic bar-hopping to compile, with much of that time spent nursing hangovers, washing smoke-cured clothing, and waiting for my ears to stop ringing. I hope my efforts will, in some small way, assist gay Seattleites, old hands and new, in cutting through the chaos. I, however, am off to the ashram to detox my liver. Happy clubbing!

East Pike Street
Loved by some, hated by others, feared by all, is Seattle's trendiest queer club. The Art and Revolution Organization gutted Moe's Mo' Rockin' Cafe, filled it with Ikea furniture, and transformed it into a fag paradise. The space is enormous, with two bars, an ample (if cramped) dance floor, an excellent vegetarian restaurant, and an upstairs common area where you can sit, relax, and slowly die of secondhand smoke. The regular crowd is a healthy mix of somebodies, wannabes, and oughtabes, with a few cute club kids "looking for work" tossed in for good measure. spins some of the best house music in the city, and manages to pull in some impressive guest DJs and big-name bands.

On the down side, the pretension at is thicker than at any other queer club in Seattle (or anywhere else, for that matter), and I have heard more than one person complain that an evening here can be very intimidating. But I've never really cared. When you're working your fourth cocktail, self-esteem is not the issue. Standing up is. Compared to the watery mixtures served up by most queer clubs,'s cocktails are just this side of rocket fuel. So if you find pretense daunting, do what I do--show up early and drink like a fish.

Fridays and Saturdays are set aside as specifically gay, and are packed by midnight--it's difficult to get through the crowd without sustaining permanent bodily injury, acquiring an STD, or both. closes at 2:00 a.m. (ridiculously early by gay standards), so if their killer cocktails haven't done you in yet, you'll have to move on to Neighbours. In other words, drink up.

Crowd: Poseurs, players, and wannabes
Ambience: The spare side of chic
Hours: Daily 4 pm-2 am. Weekend brunch. Closed Tuesdays.
Phone: 860-7322
Helpful Hint: Pass out so you don't have to go to Neighbours.

1207 Pine Street

A lounge lizard's paradise. Former home of the exclusively gay dance club Kid Mohair, the Baltic Room is a jazzy piano bar with a mixed clientele. Über-chic crowd enjoying an über-chic atmosphere, complete with fireplace, baby grand piano, beer, Billie Holiday, and waitresses that all look (and act) like Phoebe from Friends. A little too small and a little too smoky, but fabulously appointed. Good place to impress a snobby date or to catch a live jazz show.

Crowd: Crushed velvet and turtlenecks
Ambience: Loungy
Hours: Daily, 6 pm-2 am. Closed Mondays.
Phone: 625-4444
Helpful Hint: Iron everything.

1505 10th Avenue East
For the sake of my happy home life, I enlisted the aid of a spy to check out Seattle's trendiest sex club. Here is his report: "For some bizarre reason, the staff of BP tried really hard to be friendly and chat me up. This was weird. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was bond with the staff of a jerk-off club! They informed me that Basic Plumbing was not a bathhouse per se, but a 'private club for men,' and that there was no drinking, drugs, or gum-chewing allowed. In light of what is allowed at BP, I found these to be strange exclusions. I agreed to do none of these things. Inside? All I can say is, 'Wow.' BP recently moved, and this was my first time at the new location. It has a very similar layout to the old BP, but now it is all on a single floor. Near the entrance there's a well-lit lounge that plays mainstream movies; in back, a darker lounge shows bad porn. The place is a dimly lit maze of dark corners and cul-de-sacs, and everything is painted pitch black, obviously to accommodate their more (physically) aesthetically challenged members. Keep in mind that a trip to BP is like a trip to Goodwill. You have to weed through a lot of old, worn-out, ripped, and smelly trash before you find that one cheap treasure. After running and hiding from about 20 freaky guys for two hours or so, I finally hooked up with a sexy skinhead. Instant gratification never took so long!"

Crowd: Desperate and indiscriminate
Ambience: Desperately indiscriminate
Hours: Weekdays 6 pm-3 am, weekends 1 pm-5 am
Phone: Unsurprisingly, it's unlisted
Helpful Hint: Bring mints.

314 Broadway East
If there's any better indication that straights are taking over traditionally gay establishments, I can't find it. The Broadway Grill is a total loss. Sure, the wait staff is still fruity as a banana bush, and herds of gays can be found brunching here on Sunday mornings--but that's true of any establishment.

Yes, the walls still sport all those drag queen photos, and yes, the cork board over the urinal still features pin-ups of scantily clad males. But the clientele has gone almost totally straight, though most are too obtuse to notice the half-naked boys over the pissoir. However, the photo of one shirtless man had been defaced with a knife the last time I was at Broadway Grill, making me feel all warm and welcome.

Crowd: Depressingly straight
Ambience: Loud, loud, LOUD
Hours: Weekdays 8 am-2 am
Phone: 328-7000
Helpful Hint: Eat in.

Broadway between Republican & Thomas
Close your eyes and imagine a magical mini-mall at the center of the gay universe; a retail fairyland that combines the very best of good old-fashioned American consumerism with flaming queerdom; a place where you can purchase Spandex muscle shirts and Aveda hair-care products while being cruised by every queer this side of Idaho. Can you see it? That's what the Broadway Market was like a few years ago.

With the loss of the Pink Zone, Hamburger Mary's, and Metro Man (which was replaced by a Sweet Factory, fer Chrissakes), the Broadway Market is getting less queer by the second. Gay activity at the Market is now limited to B&O Espresso, where a few hard-core cruisers who refuse to admit that the party is over insist on sitting, day after day, getting ever older and more caffeinated, searching in vain for Mr. Right Now. Sad scene. But hey, they've still got The Gap. And nothing is queerer than The Gap.

Crowd: Indefatigable
Ambience: Kind of like, well, a mall
Hours: Mon-Sat 9:30 am-10 pm, Sun 11:30 am-6 pm.
Phone: Why would you want to call a mall?
Helpful Hint: Bellevue Square is gayer and younger, and you can blackmail your trick's lawyer-father afterward.

1501 East Madison Street

C.C. Attle's is curiously popular, even though there is nowhere to sit and hardly anywhere to stand, and the whole place has a packed-in-like-rats-on-a-sinking-slave-ship feel to it. If a cheap grope in a crowded room and bad soft-core porn played in a continuous loop sounds like an exciting night out, C.C.'s is your place.

Crowd: Touchy-feely
Ambience: A loud sardine can
Hours: 6 pm-2 am
Phone: 726-0565
Helpful Hint: Bring a folding chair.

414 East Pine Street

This chi-chi Mediterranean restaurant-slash-cocktail-lounge has been decorated within an inch of its life. The walls are painted "eggplant," and big purple pillows are flung from one end of the joint to the other. In fact, the whole place looks like the inside of Jeannie's bottle. The Capitol Club is the prime hang-out for the ultra-hip cocktail crowd. Thick-framed glasses, thick-soled shoes, and thick pretension combine to make the Capitol Club a very gay, if not exclusively gay, scene. But with all the sports bars on the Hill, the posh Capitol Club can be a very welcome change. The menu features delicious tapas-style food, and I have spent many an enjoyable evening here grazing on baba ganoush and black olives while sipping Cosmopolitans. If you're in the mood to pose rather than party, the Capitol Club is your best bet.

Crowd: Artsy hipsters
Ambience: Liberace's bedroom
Hours: Daily 5 pm-2 am
Phone: 325-2149
Helpful Hint: Bring a change of clothing. Requisite style does not transfer well to other gay clubs.

2103 North 45th Street
What a disappointment. Being so close to the University of Washington, I expected Changes to be choked with sexually frustrated college boys eager to fulfill the popular come-all-over-my-face-but-don't-tell-anybody-cuz-I'm-captain-of-the-football-team-and-mom-and-dad-are-paying-for-school fantasy.

Instead I found a long, narrow, impossibly smoky room full of geriatric fellas looking to fulfill that very same fantasy. Lucky me, I was the only patron who even slightly resembled a horny student, so I spent the entire evening trying to keep wrinkled and presumptuous hands from pawing my patootie. I actually had some guy offer to pay for my tuition. Thank you, NO!

Crowd: Geritol meets Viagra
Ambience: The inside of a chain-smoker's lung
Hours: I kept calling to ask, but they always hung up on me!
Phone: 545-8363
Helpful Hint: There are far less degrading ways to work your way through college.

1533 13th Avenue East
The Cuff is the Eagle's friendlier younger brother. It is bigger, brighter, and airier than the Eagle, but you still wouldn't be shocked to find Jodie Foster bent over a pinball machine in the back of the room. The Cuff has recently exploded--doubling its former size--and has become one of the most popular gay hang-outs on the Hill. With the addition of a small restaurant, three fully stocked bars, a huge outside porch, and a dance floor, the Cuff is now attracting a younger, more diverse, and far less hirsute crowd. The most popular day to visit the Cuff is Sunday, when all the hard-core party freaks who haven't come down from the night before head up from Timberline's Sunday Tea Dance. The Cuff's "dog run" is as satisfyingly sleazy as the name suggests, and about the closest thing to a backroom you'll find anywhere in Seattle.

Crowd: Trendy slummers and hard-core leather men
Ambience: Pretty sleaze
Hours: Daily 2 pm-2 am
Phone: 323-1525
Helpful Hint: Get Jodie off the damn pinball machine so someone else can have a chance!

407 Second Avenue

This quaint little anachronism is located in colorful Pioneer Square, and is rumored to be the oldest gay bar in Seattle. When I walked through the door I got the distinct feeling I was crashing a private funeral. It was so quiet I could actually hear the smoke hanging in the air, and all seven patrons abruptly stopped their conversations to glare at me. Five of them continued to gawk throughout my visit, while the other two--an obese man with a cheesy mustache whose diapers could clearly be seen beneath his unseasonable white pants (I am not joking), and a woman who could have been the fag hag national spokesperson--went back to making out.

This enormous space was obviously gorgeous in its heyday, but it has suffered from decades of abuse, and now resembles an eccentric garage sale. The place could easily seat 500, but the few patrons were all shoved into one tiny corner of the bar like nervous rodents. I ordered a Pepsi, listened to one rendition of "Walking After Midnight" from the jukebox, and headed for the hills.

Crowd: Fossilized
Ambience: Homoerotic ghost town
Hours: 6 pm-2 am
Phone: Unlisted--I think they still use telegraph.
Helpful Hint: Come for the historical value, stay for the microwaved hot dogs.

314 East Pike Street

If Joan Jett were a hairy gay man with a leather fetish, she'd hang at the Eagle. The first time I walked into the Seattle Eagle, I was terrified. I had nightmare visions of snarling, hairy-backed monsters in leather chaps trying to drag me into dark corners--which is, of course, why I went. But when my burned retinas became accustomed to the dark red light, I was surprised to discover two of the cutest guys God ever put on earth, sucking face two feet in front of me. In shock I looked around to see a crowd deliciously dotted with mouth-watering shaved-and-tattooed sex studs.

Sure, there was lots of Levi's and leather, but cute young skater boys were the order of the evening. The music is rough and eclectic, ranging from unidentifiable '70s heavy metal to Hole and Smashing Pumpkins. If you're into real rock 'n' roll music, the Eagle plays the best in town. The Eagle also has one pool table, two pinball machines, a backyard area that's cruisier than an MX missile, and a "piss night" that would give Jerry Falwell screaming nightmares.

Crowd: Rough trade of all ages
Ambience: Oscar's trash can, with smegma
Hours: 6 pm-2 am
Phone: 621-7591
Helpful Hint: You don't know where those pool cues have been.

1501 East Olive Street
Oh. My. God. Foxes' facade bears a mural that looks like it was painted by Charles Nelson Reilly on crack, and inside, anything that doesn't move has been marbleized or covered in gold lamé. The music is deafening old-world fag crap, and aside from one or two freaky trannies getting down, the crowd is usually too old, too tired, or too drunk to dance. The hysterical bartender is the love child of Harvey Fierstein and Joan Rivers, and seemed absolutely ecstatic to see us on the night we visited.

And with a six-dollar cover charge on weekends, I'm not surprised. But you have got to see this place to believe it! Foxes' brand of tacky is a rare and beautiful thing. I encourage everyone to drop by at least once, and do it soon. I suspect that the building Foxes inhabits may be built on an ancient Duwamish burial ground: every establishment that sets up shop here goes belly-up in six months. Experience Foxes before the curse exacts its terrible toll.

Crowd: Old-school drag queens who've seen better days
Ambience: "Did Carol Channing puke in here?"
Hours: 6 pm-2 am
Phone: 568-4373


1509 Broadway

This dance-club dinosaur was the queer disco until knocked it off its pedestal. They've spruced things up lately--putting in a new light system, reconfiguring the dance floor, adding ultra-futuristic aluminum siding to the walls--but even with the fancy-schmancy additions the place still looks like some deranged drag queen's basement apartment. Which, strangely, is a big part of its charm. Some are convinced that there's an evil genius behind the renovations who realizes that Neighbours will never be able to compete with the urbane and chic Instead, this mastermind has opted to cash in on the retro craze and turn the place into a model of '80s kitsch. Maybe so, but we still have to wade through two inches of raw sewage to use the toilet.

On the up side, they did get rid of their infamous "Hepatitis Buffet," replacing it with a vending machine. Now that's class! Neighbours has three bars, two pool tables, and an enormous dance floor where you can get down to songs C89 has already played to death while being scorched by idiots who dance and smoke at the same time. Wednesday nights are fun, with great music, cute boys, and a live taping of Queen's Kitchen, "Seattle's premier queer internet television show." Thursday nights are more popular than drunk sorority girls, featuring retro '80s music and a drag show hosted by Chocha Fresca, the funniest cock to put on a frock since Divine choked down those dog turds. If you're gonna go to Neighbours, go on Wednesday or Thursday. But be warned: since it became cool to be queer, Neighbours has gone about 50 percent straight, and the possibility of having a good time and/or getting laid has dropped exponentially.

Crowd: I was cruising him, he was cruising her, she was cruising me...
Ambience: Barbizon meets Burien
Hours: Sun-Thurs 9 pm-2 am; Fri & Sat 9 pm-4 am
Phone: 324-5358
Helpful Hint: Wear cheap shoes.

619 East Pine Street
To the casual observer, R Place would seem no different from any Midwestern sports bar or college tavern. It's the eyebrows--some arched, some plucked, all a little too perfect--that give the place away. An average evening at R Place consists of 100 or so "regular" guys standing around pretending they haven't all slept with each other. But if you're hankering to have a beer with a friend and have no immediate need to get laid, R Place is your best bet. R Place is staffed by the most adorable and friendly beertenders ever to pump a keg, and the angels insist on carding me as if I haven't been going there since God was a little boy in short pants.

R Place is packed with pool tables, pinball machines, dart boards, and computer games spread out over three floors, and has an extensive selection of beers on tap. On the down side, the music at R Place is highly questionable. The videos shown on the first two floors are the most obscure B-side crap available anywhere--R Place must keep K-Tel in business!--and the jukebox on the third floor is a quarter-eating fraud. I have pumped several thousand dollars into that thing, and it has never played a single one of my songs. R Place is the most popular place to pre-function on Fridays and Saturdays, and draws a good after work crowd on weekdays.

Frat boys with a dirty little secret
Ambience: Dirty little frat house
Hours: Daily 2 pm-2 am
Phone: 322-8828
Helpful Hint: Avoid sitting near the green neon sign on the second floor--green light makes human skin look reptilian.


1114 Howell Street, at Boren

Even though disco is dead, dead, DEAD, Re-bar successfully re-animates the corpse every Thursday night. "Queer Disco" has been packing 'em in for as long as I can remember, and it's still a great place to see and be seen if you can bear listening to "We Are Family" for the trillionth time. Re-bar is always very gay-friendly, and an excellent place to hang out and sip a cider, or drop in and listen to the fantastic music they spin every other night of the week (especially Sunday). In addition to hosting Queer Disco, Re-bar serves as a hopping gay fringe theater venue where many a queer-bent theatrical production has been enjoyed.

Crowd: Mixed, fun, been going there for years
Ambience: Eclectic and prone to sudden changes
Hours: Mon-Wed 9 pm-2 am, Thurs 8:30 pm-2 am, Fri-Sun 9:30 pm-2 am
Phone: 233-9873
Helpful Hint: Go to Queer Disco for the crowd; take your Walkman.

719 East Pike Street
Rosebud has gone through more transformations than an indecisive transvestite. In a few short years it has evolved from floundering coffee house to floundering restaurant to towering inferno to floundering restaurant. It looks as if it has finally found its niche as slumming/hip cocktail lounge, attracting a surprisingly stylish and interesting crowd.

The restaurant is still plugging along, but the food, although cutely named (e.g., Mama Kane's Meatloaf, in keeping with Rosebud's unsinkable Citizen Kane theme), leaves taste and texture to be desired. Rosebud looks as if it was decorated with more goodwill than ability, and is a confusing clash of Italian bistro, do-it-yourself Martha Stewart, and movie memorabilia, topped off with a life-size cut-out of James Dean. It does, however, have the advantages of being quieter, more comfortable and closer to the major Capitol Hill dance clubs than similar lounges, while still attracting the same crowd. It is a great place to warm up with a few quick cocktails before hitting or Neighbours.

Crowd: Young and stylish
Ambience: Still butt-ugly
Hours: Weekdays 7:30 am-1 am, weekends 9 am-1 am
Phone: 323-6636
Helpful Hint: Drink, don't eat.

614 East Pine Street
Seattle's queer bars and clubs could sure take a few pointers from Rudy's. The place has the coolest music and the hottest boys--and with a two-hour wait for a buzz cut, you have enough time to get drunk and laid if you bring your own Wild Turkey. Rudy's gets my vote for the best gay club on the Hill!

Crowd: Generally scrumptious
Ambience: Street-smart, fucked-up, post-apocalyptic beauty parlor
Hours: Mon-Sat 9 am-9 pm, Sun 12 noon-6 pm
Phone: 726-4916
Helpful Hint: Don't hit on ALL of the barbers--one of them is rumored to be straight.

1413 14th Avenue East
I was shocked to discover that this creepy-looking dive is actually a cute and relaxing little neighborhood pub. It is small and curiously quaint: with the warm wood paneling and cozy fireplace, it's reminiscent of a 1970s ski lodge. I half expected to see John Denver playing guitar by the fire. I was going to give the Sea Wolf a rave review--but then Al K. Holic assaulted me. Obviously a regular, Al slobbered on me, fell over, and made moves on my boyfriend, all under the faintly amused stare of the bouncer. Al wasn't asked to leave, but was instead given a free cup of coffee--which he promptly spilled all over my Fluevogs. I decided to give the place a second chance, and returned a few days later. In 10 minutes I was accosted by yet another sloppy drunk. Skip the Sea Wolf.

Crowd: In need of an intervention
Ambience: The Other Side of Aspen
Hours: Mon-Fri 11 am-2 am, Sat & Sun 10 am-2 am
Phone: 323-2158
Helpful Hint: Wear cheap shoes.

1919 First Avenue

You know your creepy high school English teacher, the one you knew had to be gay but had a wife and three kids? Ever wonder where he spent his evenings? Welcome to Sonya's. They recently moved from a rat-trap on Seventh Avenue that looked like a public toilet in Calcutta to the trendy epicenter of tourist hell, the Pike Place Market. But, hey, if you push a pile of trash around, it's still a pile of trash, right? Although the old dump has gone through an almost miraculous transformation--it now resembles the Golden Girls' living room--the crowd, the "food," and the overall feel remains largely the same. Terrifying.

Sonya's is two rooms, one a greasy spoon where clueless tourists can be found lunching on burnt burgers and "chicken" sandwiches, and a very gay back bar that's packed at noon with "regulars." The bar has a terrific view of Puget Sound, so at least there's something to look at. Despite my many reservations about Sonya's, I encourage everyone, gay and straight, to patronize it. Seattle City Attorney Mark Sidran's wife, Anais Winant, went to great lengths to block the opening of Sonya's because, she said, it will "blight the neighborhood." Couldn't be because it's a gay bar, could it? Hmm? Toss a few back at Sonya's just to spite Madame Sidran.

Crowd: Dubious age, weight, and marital status
Ambience: Don't expect much
Hours: 11 am-2 am
Phone: Unlisted
Helpful Hint: Maalox.

916 East Pike Street

Seattle's first bona-fide clone turned out far better than I expected. But then again, I didn't expect much. Even with a fresh coat of paint, the specter of The Easy (R.I.P.) still lingers. And so do the lesbians. The space is still distinctly divided between lounge and dance floor, but now has windows through which you can ogle the dancers from the relative quiet of the bar. In an attempt to bolster their often pitiful attendance, they have dropped their egotistical and daunting $6 cover charge and opted to cash in on drinks instead. The dance floor is primarily dominated by shirtless Spintron employees who look either as if they are being attacked by gnats and roaches (swat, swat, stomp, stomp) or trying to channel Madonna in her dominatrix period. But all things considered, Spintron is the perfect medium between and Neighbours, and could easily shape up to be one of the coolest clubs in town--and all the straight people who frequent and Neighbours should definitely go to Spintron instead. Please!

Crowd: Jaded gay men desperately seeking something new, and lesbians reclaiming old territory.
Ambience: If and Neighbours had a lesbian daughter.
Hours: 4 pm-2 am
Phone: 568-6190
Helpful Hint: Hang out next to the rent-a-boys dancing on the boxes for a great contact high.

1500 East Madison Street

Pinky rings, penny loafers, faux Ralph Lauren, and wall-to-wall fake tans: Thumpers is a swank piano bar that caters to a singular crowd. Older gentlemen with money, younger gentlemen wanting to be (or marry) older gentlemen with money, and a well-known middle-aged male prostitute, all sitting around the fireplace guzzling martinis like the world was about to end. One guy was actually wearing fur. If you're looking for a sugar daddy, Thumpers is the place.

Crowd: Gold-diggers
Ambience: Snobby supper club
Hours: Daily 11 am-2 am
Phone: 328-3800
Helpful Hint: Bring red paint. Fur is murder.


2015 Boren Avenue

Free peanuts.

Crowd: The people you see everywhere else
Ambience: Country/Western with a Fire Island twist
Hours: Tues-Sat 6 pm-2 am, Sun 4 pm-2 am Closed Monday
Phone: 622-8807
Helpful Hint: Avoid the peanuts.

1021 East Pike Street
Without compare, the Wild Rose is Seattle's most relaxed and friendly queer bar. It is also chock full of athletic, clean-cut, frat-boy types, guys you could proudly take home to your mother. Never mind that they're all women.

The Wild Rose is the lesbian bar where everybody knows your name. No pretension, no blaring house music, no cologne... heck, no penises. The staff is doting, adorable, and personable, and the clientele will look you in the eye and smile, as long as you're not making turkey-baster jokes. The Wild Rose has two pool tables, the obligatory dartboards, and a great (if pricey) menu. But if you have anything on your body even resembling a penis, don't think of going here! Ever since The Easy closed (R.I.P.) the lovely lesbians of Seattle don't have a lot of options when it comes to an all-grrrl night on the town, and they deserve to have the Wild Rose all to themselves.

Crowd: Menstruating jocks
Ambience: Casual, sporty
Hours: Fri & Sat 11 am-2 am, Wed & Thurs 11 am-1 am, Sun & Mon 11 am-12 mid
Phone: 324-9210
Helpful Hint: Order anything but the turkey. Who knows where that baster has been?


Washington State Convention Center
No drinks are served, no smoking is allowed, and the drug of choice is testosterone, yet World Gym is little more than in sweat pants. In fact, many fags spend more time primping before a work-out at World Gym than they do before an evening of clubbing. (I have also heard rumors that people work out at home just so they can look good enough to work out at World Gym!) The World Gym sauna serves as the Club Seattle Annex, and I am certain that if a few of the regular sauna lurkers were to be quizzed, they would be surprised to learn that World Gym had exercise equipment. But regardless of what some people think, there actually is a difference between a fitness club and a bathhouse. If the roving eyes of management catch you gettin' jiggy in the locker room, they are likely to toss your randy fanny out on the street.

Crowd: Actor/model/gym rats, and trolls looking for eye candy
Ambience: Health club, circa 1987
Hours: Mon-Thurs 5 am-11 pm, Fri & Sat 5 am-10 pm, Sun 8 am-7 pm
Phone: 583-0640
Helpful Hint: Buy a bike. Get a life.