'Fuck, fuck, fuck!'

West Seattle
Wed March 9, 3:00 pm: At 7:55 am, two men from Bainbridge Island hopped on a ferry at Southworth headed toward West Seattle, where a friend was house-sitting. One of them carried a suspicious-looking bag, which, it turned out, was full of stolen property.

At 8:30 the men arrived at the Fauntleroy terminal, where they were met by their house-sitting buddy. Eager to party, the three immediately walked to the house and started drinking. When they had consumed every last ounce of booze, the three called a cab and had the driver go to the liquor store to fetch a bottle of Southern Comfort. They thought the taxi driver, a Sikh who they described as a "towel head," had overcharged them for the Southern Comfort. This made them really mad. As the three sat at the table drinking, fuming about the "towel head," and lamenting the generally lousy state of the world, the man who had brought the bag from Bainbridge withdrew from it a stolen gun. The weapon was passed around the table, and when it returned to the Bainbridge man, he began waving it in the air, yelling "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He then racked the chamber of the gun, ejected some live rounds onto the floor, racked the chamber again, put the gun to his head, and pulled the trigger. In one instant a merciless bullet tore through his skull and brain, exited out of the back of his head, and hit the ceiling behind him. At the sight of the man's sudden death, his two friends "freaked out" and began screaming and hitting the walls. It was only noon.

The police arrived at the scene of the suicide/accident (the report simply dubbed it a "death") at 3:00 pm. Officers examined the hole in the wall, finding bits of hair and brain in it; near the expired body of the Bainbridge man they discovered a fifth of Southern Comfort and one spent round from the gun. Officer Brilliante took photos of the gun.

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'Drop your weapon!'

Queen Anne

Thurs March 10, 10:21 pm: Officer Brothers and his partner were dispatched to investigate a noise complaint in a Queen Anne Ave apartment building. When the officers exited the elevator on the third floor, they were confronted by extremely loud music coming from an apartment down the hall. Officer Brothers banged on the door, but there was no response, and the music continued to roar. He pounded again: this time the music stopped. The police officer waited as the door rattled a bit and fell silent: Brothers speculated that someone had peered through the peephole and scurried away. A moment passed and the door began rattling again. Suddenly the door opened to reveal a white male (named Ronnie) pointing a black semi- automatic pistol (a Czech 9mm) directly at the officer. Brothers drew his gun and took cover. As Ronnie prepared to blast Brothers to bits, Brothers' partner, Officer Shean, trained his gun on Ronnie and ordered him to drop his weapon. Ronnie ignored the command, slamming his door shut and retreating to his bedroom. The officers called for back-up. After a considerable stand-off, a gifted negotiator managed to talk Ronnie into coming out with his hands in the air. Officer Brothers had the honor of placing the cuffs on Ronnie.

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X-Large Hooters
Lake Union
Thurs March 10, 11:59 pm: A man finished a few drinks at a local Hooters restaurant and settled his tab with a Mastercard. On his way out of the restaurant, he nabbed several "Hooters" T-shirts, size XL, that were on display by the door. An employee pursued the man but failed to catch him. The police were called in to help recover the shirts, but they too were unsuccessful. They did, however, get the thief's name from the credit card receipt he signed when he paid for his drinks.

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Cornered on Linden Ave
North Seattle

Fri March 11, 1:00 am: At 105th and Aurora Ave N, Officer J Huber spotted a car that had been reported stolen by the Everett Police Department. Huber flipped on his lights and siren and tried to stop the vehicle, but the driver refused to pull over; speeds topped 90 mph in the ensuing chase. Huber pursued the driver to a dead end on the 600 block of N 143rd St, at the very edge of the city. The desperate, cornered suspect rammed Huber's car with the stolen vehicle; and after some fancy driving, the car thief finally managed to evade Huber. Police then set up a road block, and the stolen vehicle was located--unoccupied--on the 14300 block of Linden Ave N. A crew of K9s were called in to sniff the inside of the car. While the hounds were able to determine the direction in which the suspect fled, ultimately they failed to locate him. Sgt. Dixon supervised the incident.

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The FBI wants to hurt me

Whereabouts undisclosed

Mon March 15, 1:00 am: After arriving home around midnight (at a location that must remain secret, for obvious reasons), a man realized that the FBI was out to get him. Not only that, they wanted to hurt him. He kept watch out his window for anything suspicious, and was startled to see a car drive by. The man put on his bulletproof vest and went outside to watch for FBI agents, who were undoubtedly on their way. Several minutes later, he came back into the house, agitated because three men had driven by and looked at him funny. He explained the situation to his wife and told her he needed a weapon of some sort with which to defend himself. When she refused to help, he began to suspect that she was in league with the FBI. Maybe he had always been under investigation, he thought. Maybe his marriage was part of a big setup, his life the subject of an elaborate undercover operation. No one in Seattle can help this man. He is in a lonely place, and all that stands between him and harm is the thick padding of his bulletproof vest.