Swallowing the evidence

Downtown
Fri March 12, 12:11 pm: Officer Clark and his partner noticed a man with a large tattoo of a woman on his chest walking down Pike St with another male. A few minutes later, they saw the same man walking up the street with two different males, whom he seemed to be leading somewhere. Suspecting the guy of drug dealing, the officers approached him. A brief conversation revealed that the man had something in his mouth. When Officer Clark inquired, the man quickly turned his head away. The curious cops walked around the suspect and caught a glimpse of what he was hiding--little balloons. As the man did not appear to be on his way to a kids' party, the officers ordered him to spit out the balloons. He swallowed them instead. The cops then transported the suspected dealer to Harborview Medical Center, where doctors placed him under observation. The report does not indicate whether the cops waited for the evidence to re-appear.


Puppy killer must die!

West Seattle
Mon March 15, 12:30 pm: Happy Mr. Clements was taking his four-and-one-half-month-old puppy for a walk when a rather menacing German shepherd began barking at them. The shepherd revealed its terrible teeth, let loose with hellhound growls, and finally managed to break through the puny fence standing between it and Clements' helpless puppy. A violent attack ensued, which stopped only after the shepherd's owner came after his frenzied dog. It was too late, however. The monster had mangled the poor puppy. A desperate Clements rushed his pooch's limp body to an emergency vet, but nothing could be done: it was declared dead. When Clements got home, he reported the incident to the police. Turns out the shepherd had attacked other dogs. The owner promised to euthanize the puppy killer and pay for any financial loss incurred by Clements.


Peeing in public

Downtown
Wed March 17, 5:05 pm: A man waiting at a bus stop across from the Bon Marché on 3rd Ave unzipped his pants and proceeded to urinate into a garbage can. Two appalled police officers approached the man and asked why he was urinating in public. The man zipped up his pants and stated that he really had to go, and didn't want to miss his bus by walking to a nearby alley (where one can urinate with some discretion) or into McDonald's (where one can urinate with the purchase of a Happy Meal). Despite his reasonable explanations, and the glaring lack of public restrooms downtown, the man was charged with "urinating in public."


Sex is a crime

University District
Fri March 19, 2:20 pm: A man met up with a transient, who led him to a secluded area under a stairway behind a nearby church. Obscured from the public's eye, the transient fondled the man's genitals and performed oral sex on him twice. This, ladies and gentleman, is the whole report! And what Police Beat wants to know is, what exactly was the crime? Was this a crime against God? The "victim" was an adult, and no weapons were used to force him into receiving those blowjobs. The police classified this seemingly harmless incident under "sex," so it appears that having sex was the crime.


Trying to 'get my life back together'

Capitol Hill
Fri March 19, 4:16 pm: A man in the Seattle Central Community College library looked pretty suspicious when he slowly draped his coat over the computer monitor he was using, picked it up, and began walking toward the door. A witness informed a librarian of the caper in progress; the librarian called campus security. By this time, the man was walking down Harvard Ave. Security caught up with him and turned him over to the police. At headquarters, the man explained that he had tried to steal the monitor because he wanted to sell it on the Internet and "get [his] life back together again."


Right on Target

West Seattle
Fri March 19, 10 pm: A woman walked into a changing room at the West Seattle Target and found a man exposing his erect penis. The woman informed a dressing room attendant of what she saw; when the attendant checked for herself, she found the man standing naked in the dressing room playing with himself. Target security escorted the gentleman out of the store, but neglected to ID him. The attendant thought she remembered the man from somewhere, and realized that they had attended the same high school some 13 years earlier. She looked in her yearbook when she got home and managed to locate an early photograph of him, which she promptly turned over to Officer Cook.